Current obsession

 This past week when I should have been finishing getting my house ready for Christmas and company, I decided to crochet some hats.  I was making some for my daughters friends and they turned out so well, I decided to make some for a friends' daughters from church.  Then I went on to make one for our babysitter's daughter.  I love the flower.  It adds so much to the hat!
The pictures don't quite do them justice b/c the color doesn't come through as vibrant as they are in real life but you get the gist.
These 2 were for sisters at church whom I had made baby blankets for.  I used the leftover yarn to make the hats.  









 This one was for our sitter's daughter.  I also made her a pink blanket so it goes with that.

After Christmas, I am going to seriously consider selling these on Etsy.  And I might have to make my daughters another hat with a flower.  Maybe for spring.

Can you smell the rain?

This doesn't happen as much in Oregon, but in Utah and Kansas where I grew up, you could smell the rain coming.  In the summer, when it was dry and hot and you got that whiff...it was so exciting to know it was about to downpour.  To cool things off, settle the dust.  A pouring rain in the hot summer months is a great thing for a child to play in.  I loved it!
It also meant change.  A small change maybe.  A brief change probably.  But a change.  And when you have had days and days of dry weather, a change can be good.
I can honestly say, that the past few years has been the least amount of change I have experienced in a long time.  We have been very stable.  We have lived in the same house, had the same number of children, the same jobs, the same cars.  I am not saying this to complain.  Believe me.  It has been nice to settle into some sort of routine. 
But I know life.  And I know how God works in my life.  Often, when I am feeling stable and settled is when He shakes things up a bit. 
I don't exactly know if that is happening in my life right now.  There are a couple of things my husband and I are praying about, some decisions we need to make.  I don't know where God is going to take us but, these decisions have gotten me thinking about my life.  My desires, things I want to accomplish, actions I want to take. 
There are a lot of things on those lists.  Too many things on those lists really.  As a working mom, as a mom, there is so much busyness.  There are so many things that we strive to achieve.  But realistically we cannot do it all.  We read blogs and wonder why we can't have it all together.  I wish I could be crafty and pull out amazing things for my kids to occupy their time, or grind my own flour and make my own bread, or take them to music lessons, swim lessons, the library....it goes on and on but it is impossible for me to do everything that I want to do. 
So instead of feeling like I am failing at doing lots of things, I need to sit down and figure out what few things I can do that are the right things.
This blog is one of those things.  I started it out as a way to journal some of my crazy thoughts as a working mom.  But I am not sure where it is going.  I am not even sure I have time to do it.  Is it something that is beneficial for me to continue?  And if I continue, what do I want my focus to be.  I have a friend who is an amazing blogger.  Her posts make me laugh and cry and stop and breathe.  She is amazing!  Truly, if you are looking for a new blog to read, check hers out.  But I am feeling super unfocused here and while I realize I will never be an amazing writer and I have no aspirations for this to become something huge, I need to know if it is truly something I should be doing.  
So, for those 2 of you who read this:-)  I would love your prayers and I will update as I get a few things sorted out. 

I went to Winco

I did.  On the second of the month.  I thought I was safe.  I avoided the first day of the month.  You know, the day people get their government money and go to Winco and buy cartloads of food.  I avoid it every month.  But I did go yesterday and that was a mistake.  It was busy and I got a baaaaddd attitude about it.  I realized that I need to avoid going on those days because of my attitude.  Not because of other people.
Generally, I understand that there are people out there who need assistance.  And I feel that to whom much is given, much is expected.  I grew up with a single mom who would have benefited from food stamps.  There were times where she was scrounging around the house for change to buy bread or milk to get us through the week.  We never went hungry but it was a stress for all of us.
So I understand that people struggle financially.  That people need help to put food on the table so their kids don't go hungry. 
What I struggle is when I see people who use government assistance because they don't have a job or can't work but when I see them using the assistance in an extravagant way.  Then I become judgemental.  This is where it is my problem.  What they do with the money God has provided for them should really be between them and God.  And I need to be a good steward of what God has given me.  And not to get bitter about what I have which honestly, sometimes seems less than what they have. 
But last night, God reminded me of how good I truly have it and that what I have is not even my own.
I just started reading Acts and what I read last night was "Now all who believed were together, and had all things in common, and sold their possessions and goods, and divided them among all, as anyone had need." Acts 2:44-45
As anyone had need....I have no idea what other people are going through when I see them in the store or in my clinic.  I don't know why they can't work or why they struggle, and I shouldn't really need to know.  God shows us His model of how we are supposed to behave.  How we are supposed to give.  He puts things on our hearts. 
God calls us to be generous.  He calls us to give back.  He calls us to have compassionate hearts and to pray for people. 
It's really easy to get caught up in money.  But it is such a trap and it is temporary.  What I have today could be gone in an instant.  That is not what will sustain me.
I am grateful that He puts this reminder on my heart.  That in obeying Him by reading the Word (something I really struggle with), my heart changed.  And helped me see areas of where I need to pray.

It's been awhile

I can't believe it has been almost a month since I last blogged.  Life has been crazy and I see no end in site.  I had no goals for October and it definitely felt like it.  I dropped the ball on meal planning and it was really hard to come up with meals on a daily basis.  I have sort of figured out a pattern for breakfasts and lunches and that has been a lifesaver.  It keeps the kids from asking me everyday what they are going to have, I simply point to the list and try to keep it the same.  Giving the kids a more substantial breakfast has really helped them during the day too.  It is definitely more work and I feel I am always doing dishes but well worth it. 
Soccer has kept us super busy.  It is so disruptive to my really productive time of day.  It seems we rush home from school, get a snack, get ready to go and then off and running, then come back and try to feed, bathe, homework the kids in a decent time to get them to bed.  1 1/2 weeks and counting. 
This next month my mom is having total knee replacement surgery and will be staying with us for at least a week but probably 2.  That will be a huge challenge for all of us.  We have no bedrooms downstairs so she will be living in our living room which is already crowded and chaotic and may not be the best place for recuperating from a major surgery but it was either I don't see my family for that period of time while I stay with her or we put up with some disruption for a short time. 
So for November, my goal is to prioritize.  To make lists and to pray over them.  I have a lot going on and things I keep adding to it or things that come up out of the blue and I really need to have some guidance on what I should be doing and what I should let go.  Saying no is not always my strong suit, I love helping people but sometimes my family needs to come first.  Something I am praying about. 
Hopefully it won't be another month before I blog but who knows...it might be the New Year before you see me again.  We will see.
One thing though I haven't done in awhile is ask for prayer requests.  I still love praying for my friends and feel it is so powerful in so many ways.  So if anyone has anything they want prayer for, please let me know.  I am happy to do it.
Well, if I don't see you again for awhile: Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas and Happy New Years!

My couponing trip today

It has been awhile since I posted some of my couponing deals.  It is really hard to coupon in the summer with three kids in tow but now that they are back in school it is much easier.
However, I have been struggling with the conflict between getting good deals and feeding my kids healthier.  A lot of the really great deals are junk.  While I do buy some junk (I love ice cream and poptarts!) I try to limit it for my kids. 
So while I am trying to still find great deals, I am trying to incorporate healthy foods into them.  Right now Safeway has a buy 8 save .50 per item which with paired with coupons can make for some pretty good deals.  They have a lot of stuff throughout the store that they don't even have listed in their ads.  I am pretty sure I will be doing more of these deals over the next week.
Here is what I got today:

So if you ignore the ice cream cones and cheetos, I think I did pretty good.  The gum was buy one get one free and I had (2) $1/3 coupons that doubled making them $1.17 for 6 packs.  Trident is sugar free but doesn't have aspartame which I don't like, so I don't mind my kids chewing it.

The spinach and green leaf lettuces were $1 each and the jalapeno was .99c (I am making salsa this week!)  The cream cheese was buy one get one free so 2/$2.99.

The instant potatoes were free with a catalina (I know it's processed but my daughter will only eat instant garlic potatoes so sometimes I get them)

I think everything else was part of the buy 8 promo. These are the coupons I had:

 (2) $1/1 coupons for the artisan tortillas making them .49c each,

 .55c/1 dairy farmers making the cheese .74c with the doubler (so wish I had had another of those coupons!)

 the broth was 1.99 each (no coupon but it's good broth and it's organic!)

My total was $16.50 for all of that.  Not too bad considering I didn't have coupons for everything I bought.

Then I went to Rite Aid:

My total there after coupons was 7.61, I used $6 in UPs and received $10.38 back in UPs rewards.  They were running a spend $25 get a $5 UP for the past month and today was the last day to do it.  I had to spend just over $9 to get my total over $25 (I hit 25.83!)  The toothbrushes were on sale for 2.69 each and you got a 2.69 UP back plus I had a .75c off and a $1 off coupon so I really ended up making $1.75 on toothbrushes!  The mouthwash was on sale for $4 and I had a $1/1 coupon plus it put me over the 25 so I was good with that.

The tuna was buy one get one free and I had (2) $1/2 coupons so that made them .25c each!

Next week I will have over $12 in UPs to spend so I might not even have any out of pocket there.  I just love Rite Aid!!

There you go.  My big couponing for the week.  It's a good thing it was a good week b/c my grocery cash envelope only has $2 in it.  Yay for a new month starting saturday!  

Meals

I know I should just make my meal week tuesday through monday but I still have hopes of being organized enough on a sunday to write my plan out.
I will say though that having breakfast and lunches mostly planned out has been a huge relief for me.  It really does make my days easier.
I am going to write the past 2 days even though they are over, just in case anyone needs ideas.
Sunday:
B: pancakes, bacon, scrambled eggs
L: leftover tacos
D: BBQ, zucchine with rotini noodles, salad

Monday:
B: at sitters
L: quesadillas
D: leftover chicken/noodles

Tuesday:
B: scrambled eggs and toast
L: noodles
D: chicken fried steak, long grain/wild rice, green beans

Wednesday
B: scones
L: sandwiches
D: pizza at a birthday party

Thursday
B: pancakes
L: bagel/cream cheese
D: crockpot chicken, noodle roni (my MIL is picking the kids up, taking son to soccer and doing dinner, so am trying to make it easy on her-hence the noodle roni)

Friday
B: at sitters
L: kids are getting hot lunch
D: leftovers

Saturday
B: cereal, yogurt
L: not sure
D: BBQ (while we can), potatoes of some sort

I clearly need to work on some details and I am going to try making some breakfast cookies and see how that goes over.  Now that I have a little order to breakfast and lunches for the main dish, I need to work on the sides and figure out a routine for my dinners.  But I am slowly working on it and it is definitely going better than it has in the past.

Meal Plan

Once again I cannot seem to get my meal plan listed on Sunday.

It has been really nice to have meal plans for all my meals.  I have really been trying to make the kids a good breakfast and while it is taking some getting used to, I am very grateful when they aren't telling me they are hungry 30 minutes after eating.

Also, I usually try to have the kids eat fruit at most meals but I offer them choices, so I might not always list what specific fruit we have.  Fortunately they all like a wide variety of fruits.  Veggies not so much, you will see a lot of carrots and salad listed.

I am going to go ahead and back track to Sunday and what we ate:
Sunday:
     B: simple soaked pancakes from Heavenly Homemakers (it's an adjustment eating whole wheat pancakes but a few chocolate chips sprinkled in really helped!)
     L: hot dogs, baked french fries, carrots, fruit
     D: beef vegetable soup/chicken noodle for the kids, fruit
Monday
     B: at sitter's
     L: quesadillas, carrots,
     D: leftover pizza, salad, fruit
Tuesday
     B: scrambled eggs, toast   
     L: noodles, carrots, applesauce
     D:spaghetti and meatballs, green beans, salad, watermelon/blueberries


Wednesday
     B: pancakes
     L: ham or turkey sandwiches, carrots, cantaloupe
     D: leftover beef soup
Thursday
     B: cereal, whole wheat banana bread
     L: ham/turkey sandwiches, carrots, fruit
     D: chicken/broccoli over brown rice
Friday
     B: at sitters
     L: sandwiches, carrots, fruit
     D: leftover spaghetti and meatballs
Saturday
     B: kids choice
     L: having a garage sale and the boys will be at a Ducks game so not sure
     D: BBQ hamburgers/hot dogs, baked beans, roasted potatoes

I am clearly in a rut with lunches for the kids, they are going to get so bored with sandwiches, this is something I really need to work on in the next few weeks!

Strong Tower

Towers.  Twin Towers.  North Tower.  South Tower.  Funny how before 9/11 happened, I didn't think about those words at all.  I had been to New York City.  I had not been in the Towers but in one of the other World Trade Center buildings where my brother worked and looked out the window at the Towers.  To be honest, other than being really tall, they didn't leave an impression on me.

But then 2 planes were flown into them and it changed my perception forever.  The phrase "Twin Towers" now means so much more to those of us who witnessed it.  I will never forget the feeling of wondering if my brother was at work that day.  Such a scary thought that for me only lasted a minute before I remembered he was on vacation.  I was lucky my story had that happy ending.  So many people lost loved ones that day, and so many since....

I am grateful that the 10 year anniversary landed on a Sunday.  And I am lucky that my pastor has such a gift for turning our hearts to God.  His sermon today refreshed my soul and reminded me that this earth is passing.  That we truly never know what is going to happen in any given day.  It might not be as big as a plane landing into a building but it could be a heart attach, a diagnosis of cancer, a car accident....all of those things change your life forever but the one constant in this life is God.

Psalm 61 which has been turned into one of my favorite songs says "for you have been a shelter for me, a strong tower from the enemy" (vs. 3)  What I didn't know is that David wrote this song after his son died.  And even though I have heard the song from this reference over and over again, the significance of God being referred to as the strong tower never really struck me.  But when I stop and think about the word tower, I think of Eiffel Tower, Tower of Babel, Twin Towers.... all things that are big and things that people probably thought would stand the test of time.  While things on this earth can be destroyed, our towers that we build as humans are not eternal. 

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; The righteous run to it and are safe"  Proverbs 18:10. 

It's amazing how you can read a passage in the Bible over and over and not get it.  A simple passage.    One that fits so perfectly, so completely in our present day situation.  What an amazing God we have that words written so long ago, are so appropos today. 

I am not sure I will think about the word tower in the same sense ever again.  When I think of 9/11 and what it did to our country, and I think of those towers falling to the ground, I will forever remember Proverbs 18:10 and Psalm 61.  He is our tower of strength, something we never need fear, our God who will always stand strong and true and magnificent.

Too much on my plate?

My husband told me this week (as I was stressing about some stuff) that I have too much on my plate. 

Well, I guess I should have said "of course I do, I'm a mom!" 

I mean, I really don't know how to avoid it.  I have things I "have" to do and things I "want" to do.  If I simply deal with the stuff I had to do, I could probably handle it all somewhat realistically.  But how would I feel if all I ever did was clean, do laundry, carpool kids around, cook, grocery shop, help with homework, oh and throw 3 days of working into the mix? 

Isn't there more to life than that?  Should there be?  Or should I be content with that as a Christian mom and wife? 

When I go through the list in my head of things I want to do, most if revolves around my family.  It's not like my list includes shoe shopping or sitting on the couch watching soap operas and eating chocolate.  My list includes things I want to do to make my family healthier and happier plus a few small things in there for me.

Here are a few of the things on my want to do list:
finish son's room - including making afghan and putting up a couple of star wars pictures
organize my recipes - they are a mess!
crochet - I just bought a book on hats and want to make a winter hat for my girls, and maybe some extra to
     some day start an etsy shop
research ways to feed my family better - including switching over to more organic foods, baking more from
     scratch, maybe even get my own wheat grinder
get rid of my piles
get my garage sale stuff ready (I have one week for that)
organize pictures on my computer
read "The Help"
read my Bible daily
exercise several times a week
make meals for people who might need it (I love doing this for friends!)

So you see, the list isn't crazy.  But some of it is time consuming and right now, I am barely accomplishing the tasks I need to accomplish.

Not sure what I am going to do about it all but I am hoping that with the kids in school, I will be able to get into some sort of routine and get ahead on some of these things. 

What do you do to cross off things of your to-do list?

Meal plan

I have no idea where this weekend went but am 2 days late posting my meal plan.  And am not sure it is totally complete but will get me through this week.

Tuesday
B: french toast, milk
L: each kid got to pick their lunch today for the first day of school so that included salami sandwiches, macncheese, chicken nuggets, plus carrot sticks, fruit
D: chicken and noodles, corn

Wednesday
B: eggs and toast, juice
L: turkey sandwiches, carrot sticks, fruit
D: leftover chicken and noodles, salad

Thursday:
B: pancakes, smoothie
L: not sure
D: chicken and broccoli over brown rice

Friday:
B: at sitters
L: not sure:-(
D: leftovers maybe

Saturday:
B: oatmeal or cold cereal
L: BBQ with family
D: maybe something light like cheese/crackers, popcorn, veggies

Lunch is what I really need to work on to be creative.  My goal is to have a system where breakfast and lunches are the same for that day of the week so for example every tuesday have eggs and toast, wednesday pancakes....that kind of thing.  That way it's set and hopefully makes things easier. 
The first day of school has gone well so far, my preschooler did great on her first day which is a huge relief.  She was my first kid not to cry on their first day of preschool and that made it so much easier on this momma.  But I found when I picked her up that I missed her.  Glad we have this afternoon to spend together!

Giveaway from Heavenly Homemakers

I love the Heavenly Homemakers site.  I have been following her sometime in the hopes of being inspired as I switch over to making healthier foods for my family.  She is having a giveaway for a Nutrimill to grind flour.  I have really been considering getting one of these and entered myself.  But if you are interested in entering as well, here is the link:
 http://heavenlyhomemakers.com/nutrimill-giveaway-from-paulas-bread/comment-page-3#comment-107927

September Goal

This summer, I have not really made any big goals except to just get through the summer intact.  As I have been thinking about what I wanted to do with the kids going back to school, I knew I wanted a couple of things.  To make my life easier with the craziness that comes with school, homework, soccer, etc.  And to try to get back to feeding my family better.

So my September goal is to......meal plan.  Yes, I know this has been my goal before.   When I have done this before though, I always just did it for dinner.  But breakfast and lunchtime are just as difficult for me.
I really want to send my kids off to school with a nutritious meal, ready to face the day.  And with 2 kids needing school lunches, one of whom is super picky, I am going to need to be very creative and very organized.

The meal planning is important because my other goal is to start feeding my family healthier more whole foods.  I have made a few changes over the last year but I really want to jump in big.  And in order to do that, I need to be organized.  This summer, having a CSA has really reminded me of how good fresh whole foods are.  So much better than prepackaged foods.  Plus, we have already been limited in what kinds of packaged foods we can have due to my son's peanut allergy. Now I want to incorporate even more homemade foods, using more nutritious ingredients.

That being said, I have no idea what we are having for the next few ideas, leftovers tonight, big salad tomorrow night maybe, BBQ with friends saturday night and eating out sunday night (kids are at Nana's!)  I don't have breakfasts' and lunches figured out.  See why I need this so badly?!

My hope is to have a routine with breakfasts and lunches to make it a lot easier.  Say eggs and cereal on tuesdays, pancakes on wednesdays, homemade zucchini or banana bread and smoothie on thursdays.... that will stay consistent week to week and make my life much easier.  Over the next couple of days, I am going to sit down with my kids and makes lists of things they want to have and set up a schedule.

If I have anything amazing recipe to post, I will be sure and share it with you.  If you have any great suggestions, let me know.  I am sure I can use all the help I can get!

Feeling convicted

     My mom became a Christian in her 30's.  She was (and still is) an avid reader and an early riser.  I remember waking up in the mornings and finding her drinking her coffee and reading the Bible.  She was always able to quote scripture to encourage people and it wasn't because she had memorized it in Sunday School.  She knew it because she read the Word regularly.

     This is something I really struggle with.  I go through spells where I am diligent reading scripture and then spells where I go weeks or even months without opening my Bible other than for church.  I am totally ashamed writing that.

     I want to be the kind of mom where my kids see me reading the Bible, where I can encourage them with God's words and not my own, where I can be an example for them to follow.  I also know that I am usually in a better place mentally and definitely in a better place spiritually when I am regularly reading my Bible.
This is something God has put on my heart recently.  I need to get back into the Word.  I know that if I obey Him in this, my life will feel less stressful, I will handle things better, yell at my kids less, be kinder to my husband....I know this.  But I have been struggling with just getting started.   I thought about making this my September goal but realized I need to make this a life changing goal, not just something I do for a month.
    
     As I was praying about this last week, I realized that the only thing I have been faithful in over the last few years is praying.  And the reason I have been faithful in it is that I have accountability with my prayer partner (if you don't have a prayer partner, I greatly encourage you to get one.  It is an amazing thing knowing someone is praying for you on a regular basis and keeps you praying regularly as well).

     What better way to get back into the Word than to have some accountability.  So I emailed my prayer partner and asked if she wanted to venture into this with me.  Today she agreed and I cannot tell you how excited I am for this.  We are going to set a simple weekly goal and then email each other at the end of the week and say what we felt we learned from the portion of scripture we read. 

     What I love about this is that it's a weekly goal.  I wish I was faithful to read every day but right now it is hard on some days to fit it in.  Getting up early is not always an option when I already get up at 5 for work. So a weekly goal will work well for me.  I will keep you posted on how it's going.    

August

Today is August 15th.  August....August.   Yes, I am repeating that to myself because I can hardly believe this month is half over.  Half over.  School starts in 3 weeks (I think, I am actually avoiding looking at the calender and figuring it out exactly b/c I can hardly believe it).
So I am halfway through the month and have no real goals.  At this point, I am just hoping to survive the month, enjoy the last moments of summer, and get the kids ready for school. 
Maybe in September I will have something better for you.
As for July, I think it was to get as much fresh fruit as possible. We didn't get any blackberries.  Still hoping to get some of those but we picked lots of raspberries and blueberries.  We will be getting about 50 pounds of peaches next week to deal with and I would still love to get a bunch of green beans.  
This summer has just been too crazy.  I like to tell myself it will be a little less chaotic once school starts but then I start thinking about soccer practice and homework and carting kids to and from school and really, who am I kidding? So let's just enjoy a little bit more of summer while we can!

Loss

I sit at my dining room table in the very crazy hours of the morning looking at a picture of my friend Gloria.  Those who know me well, know she was my best girlfriend.  And she died.  And it was awful.  Almost 9 years later, I still miss her all the time.  I dream about her.  I think about what it would have been like to be 80 years old with her sitting on a porch, talking about our lives.
Loss.
My father leaving us.
My pastor's son dying of leukemia when I was little.
My grandfather dying of a heart attack when I was a teenager.
A boy from my school committing suicide when he went away to college.
My other grandfather and an uncle dying within weeks of each other.  One expected, one not.
Gloria. 
I haven't had a personal loss in a few years.  However, in the last few weeks, a friend lost a sister to cancer,  another friend lost a grandmother, another friend received papers of divorce, some people from church lost their house in a fire.
My heart breaks for all of them.  As Christians, we often try to find the positive.  They are in a better place, they are no longer suffering, don't store your treasures on earth, God can turn anything into His good. 
These are all extremely true. You cannot deny any of them.
But what I am reminded of is this verse "Jesus wept."
He wept.  Why?  He knew where Lazarus was going.  He knew all of those positive things.  He knew the joys of heaven yet He wept for life lost on earth.  So why did He weep? 
Was it for Himself?  Was it because He didn't get there in time? Was it for Mary? For Martha?
Why?  Why did He weep when He knew so much more?
Here is what I have decided in the midst of all this.  And I haven't studied it or read up on what scholars might think.  I am absolutely not knowledgable about what the root of the word was, etc, you get the point.  But what I have come to believe is that yes He knew.  He knew what you and I would need.  He knew it was okay to grieve.  To be sad.  To mourn.  Jesus showed us every emotion.  So we would know it is okay.  It is normal.  It is essential.  We need to mourn so that we can accept it.  So that we can continue living.  Continue being the people He called us to be.
But what if you aren't the person experiencing the loss directly?  What if it is a friend who is suffering?  What if they are far away and you can't go to them? Can't hold them and cry with them and take them to coffee and let them talk or not talk?  Just to be there for them?  It's such a helpless feeling. 
The only thing I can do is pray.  Or should I say the best thing I can do is pray. And listen to God.  Listen to His nudgings when He tells me in the wee hours of the morning to write words that have been swimming in my head for a couple of weeks.  And not doing it eloquently at all.
But I have learned to listen.  To know that someone needs to hear the words God is having me write.  That someone I know and love is struggling right this very moment. In the middle of the night.  When things always seem  worse because we are alone in our thoughts.  When there is nothing to distract us from our hurts.
But I want you to know that you are not so alone in your thoughts.  That God does hear you. 
As I have been struggling to write, the beginning lyrics to Chris Tomlin's song "I Lift My Hands" comes to mind..."Be still, there is a healer"
He knows your loss.  He knows your ache.  He knows the storm that rages in your heart.  He knows. 
And as a mother who just took her son to the doctor today who was bleeding outwardly.  I get it.  All I wanted to do was take my son's pain away.  To put it on myself.  To hold him in my arms and let him know he was safe.  God put that feeling in me as a parent.  And I am only human. Bound by human limitations.  But God is not bound at all.  How much more did He want to hold my son? How much more did He want to comfort him?  To take his pain away?  How much more does He love my son than I do? It is hard to fathom.  Because my heart aches with love for him.  But God loves him more.
So, if you have had loss and an emotional storm is raging inside of you, know that God is there.  Every second.  He hears your heart.  Day and night.  He hears you.
   

July

How is it possible that it is July 7th already?  This summer has been so flaky weather wise that it hasn't even felt like summer and now it's July.
I am going to keep my July goal to something that already keeps me pretty busy this month every year but I always strive to do more.  And that is gathering and preserving as much fresh produce as I can.  By preserving I am limited to freezing b/c I don't know how to can, but that is a goal for another time.
So far we have gather strawberries, some peas, and spinach.  Hoping to do more peas, green beans, all sorts of berries, peaches, cabbage. 
We did this last year and we try to keep track of how much we did so that we know whether we need to do more of less for the next year. 
So that's my goal for the month.  Do yo have any goals this month?

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

Camping, I love it.  It's a lot of work.  But I love being outdoors with no other obligations but doing camping things.  It tooks us until our youngest was 1 to attempt camping again and we started with yurts.  I love yurts.  They have heat and light and are dry when it rains.  And our girls haven't been ready for tent camping because of the darkness in the middle of the night.  But we have been working on it and our next trip is all in a tent.
But back to this camping trip.  This is one of the hardest trips we have ever done.  For lots of reasons.
Including: Who was coming/who wasn't coming.  The numbers changed almost daily and even while we were there, kept changing.
My son woke up the night before we were leaving with an earache.  Add trip to Urgent Care and pharmacy on my list of things to do before heading out. 
I forgot tons of stuff.  Clearly it was stuff we could do without but a little bit of an inconvenience at times.
It rained.  For almost an entire day.  It was very wet.
A short easy hike turned into a 6 mile difficult hike with our 3 young kids, me wearing shoes that were too small (although at least they were hiking shoes) and no snacks.  Yep, 4 hours of hard walking with no snacks for the kiddos. 
Accidents at the beach.  You really would think I would know better than to go anywhere without changes of clothing, but apparently I have not learned that lesson after being a parent for 8 years.
Did I mention it rained?  And yes we had 2 canopies, one of which leaked.
Oh and someone taking our meat?  Or a raccoon.  We can't decide which but it was creepy either way having something go through our cooler in the middle of the night.
My husband at one point described this trip as "a character building trip".  Yep,  character building for sure.
Fortunately, that is only half the story.  Remember all that rain I talked about?  At one point my kids were sitting around the fire in the rain, chatting happily like it was the most normal thing in the world.
And the hike?  Oh there was plenty of complaining throughout but there was also teamwork, and lots of walking without complaining, and no one sat down and cried when we realized after 3 miles that we had to turn around and go back 3 miles, back through the mud and the prickly bushes that overhung the path, and the logs to climb over and no food.  They just did it.  And maybe even enjoyed parts of it.
And we played games in our nicely warm yurt while the rain fell.
And my kids had fun.  Throughout it all, there was very little arguing.  They picked flowers and walked the dog and ran on the beach and roasted hot dogs and got dirty.  And it was great!
And our friend left to get baptized with her nephew.  And when my 4 year old had me explain what being baptized was.  And how you have to accept Jesus into your heart.  She said "I want to do that".  And so in the pouring down rain, with just me and my 2 girls sitting in a yurt, my baby accepted Jesus as her Saviour.  And I understood why this trip was so hard.  For there was a battle going on.  A battle for her soul.

And it turns out, it really was the best of times.

June

Wow, I cannot believe it is June.  It sure doesn't feel like June.  It feels like February.  Really.  It was 56 degrees today.  I had my heat on.  Brr.
May flew by and I enjoyed it.  I really did.  It was a carefree sort of month in a lot of ways.  My house is a mess to prove it but that is okay.  Sometimes you just need downtime.  I even read a couple of books.  Yep.  2 days this month I read.  2 books.  You can probably figure out that nothing else got done that day but reading.  Oh well,  reading makes me happy and relaxed.
I am rambling I know.  So it is June and back to my goals.  I skipped May and that was nice.  But I need to get back on track.  Summer can be lots of fun but also stressful with 3 kids at home whining that they are bored.  Yes, my kids have now picked up on that lovely word.  I have a plan though for that.  I am going to make a list of things they can do when they are "bored" and I hope it puts an end to that word fairly quickly.  I am sure there will be more fun things they can figure out to do than pick up dog poop for instance. 
But my goal for June is to declutter.  Oh how I need to declutter.  I have too much stuff everywhere.  In my closet, in the kids' rooms, it's even staring at me on my desk as I type this.  Too much stuff!
And I want to have a garage sale so what better time to declutter than right before a garage sale.
That's it, that's my goal.  Something simple and hopefully doable. 
That might mean no more reading for me for a couple of weeks though:-)

16 years

     When I was a sophomore in college, I was struggling with a lot of things one of which was being single.  I had no idea what I wanted in a man or how to get it or the patience to wait for God to show me.  I just knew I was alone and had a poor relationship with my father and no hope that I would ever be in a place mentally where anyone would want me.
     On a particularly bad day, I sat in my room and cried.  It was a rainy icky day.  My roommate was gone and I had a rare moment of quiet time to just sit there and let it all out.  Because sometimes, as women, we just really need that. 
     Then a rainbow appeared outside my window.  I love rainbows.  They always seem so full of hope.  Then I felt God's hand just filling my heart with peace.  Filling my heart with the promise of someone who would love me, faults and all.  In fact, He promised that this man was at George Fox and that He was shaping and molding him while doing the same to me.  We weren't ready for each other yet.  And I felt calm.  And I wrote a list.  A list of all the attributes I wanted in the man I would spend my life with.
     When God brought Adam back into my life my senior year and we started dating, I looked at the list and he fit every single thing on there.  Every one.  I didn't have to take any of the attributes and try to make him fit into it, because he already did.  And I knew he was the love of my life. 
     Today we have been married for 16 years.  Sometimes I feel I know less about marriage today than I did back then.  We have been in a holding pattern for the past few years.  By that, I mean no major life changes has happened recently.  And that is weird.  For the first 12 years we were either moving, changing jobs, moving, getting into graduate school, moving, graduating, moving, finding jobs, moving, having kids, buying a house and moving, having more kids.  I almost don't know what to do not having some major life changing thing.  And I totally realize that by saying that, I am dooming myself to some big change coming up.  I am not complaining about there being no big things, it is nice to just live life.  And believe me, I keep busy.  I am not inviting God to shake things up in my life.  Really, I am not.
     What I am realizing is, we are in the down and dirty part of our marriage.  The part where we can't blame things on being up all night from studying or taking care of baby or the stress of a new job or moving.  We are living in the here and now.  And in the here and now, I have not been the best wife.  He often gets the end of me.  The end of the day.  The end of my energy.  The end of my patience.  When the kids have been tugging on me all day or I have had to deal with people in pain all day, or I have worked all day trying to get caught up on my normal household duties, or the dog has driven me crazy with her herding obsession, my husband comes home and I honestly have nothing left for him.  And that really isn't fair. 
     My husband is truly amazing and I am so grateful for him everyday.  Looking forward to our next 16+ years together!

Fallen off the bandwagon -Update

I have been not keeping up with my prayer life the way I feel God has called me.  I was reminded of that this week as you saw in my earlier post and am reminded of it today when I see a friends' call to prayer for her mom who has breast cancer.  You can read about Heidi's mom and see what things she needs prayer for. I  know she would appreciate it.  And pray for Heidi as she is a long day's drive from her mom and is struggling with not being with her.
And if anyone has any other prayer requests, I promise to lift you up this week.  Please just post them in the comments.
I am updating this as my friend Marta is requesting prayer for her younger sister who also has breast cancer and was told her cancer is terminal.  Amy is married and has a young son Ian.  I know this family would appreciate all prayers over the next couple of weeks and my heart goes out to this young family.  Sometimes life is so harsh but we are so lucky to have a God who is not.

Forgiveness

     My husband and I fought last night.  It was a big one.  And I just hate those because when I am in the middle of it, I usually have no idea how it is going to get resolved.  I know I say things I shouldn't and overreact to things he says.  Last night was not any different.  When I am in that place, I really just want to walk away from the fight and forget it happened.  That isn't really practical and unresolved feelings would just rear their ugly heads eventually.
     But sometimes, you do need a break from the argument.  And last night in that break I was thinking about what kind of wife I am.  Am I the kind of wife I should be?  The kind of wife God calls me to be.  And so I went to look at the chapter on this.  You probably know the one.  Proverbs 31.  I hear it all the time and there are websites and talk shows on it.  To be honest, I have never really studied it.  And last night when I went to look at it, I had in my head Psalms 31 which I realized quite quickly wasn't the right reference but couldn't for the life of me remember what the correct one was.  And it didn't matter at that point, because what I really needed to read at that moment was Psalm 31 and as I read it I realized that God put that on my heart to read. 
     What I read was "For you are my rock and my fortress; therefore, for Your name's sake, lead me and guide me." Ps 31:3  I was definitely needing some guidance.
     Then the heading to Psalm 32 caught my attention "The Joy of Forgiveness".   And the first verse is "Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.  Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit."
Forgiveness.  Such a hard thing.  So amazing that our God so easily forgives us for everything we do and yet it is so hard to follow His example.  Whether actively forgiving someone or asking them for forgiveness, it took me a long time to realize that often it is a choice we have to make before the actual act.  It is against our sinful nature.  When someone has wronged us, we want justice.  That's what our heart tells us.  But God calls us to forgive.  He calls us to forgive 7 times 70.  My head knows that but my heart aches with not wanting to give in to it.  I want the offending party to ask for it.  I want them to say "I am sorry" first.  I don't want to be the one to give in and say it.  But when I feel called to forgive and I make the head decision to do it, my heart always follows. 
     Then as I read the footnotes, it said "no matter who else is hurt, the principal offense of any sin is always against the Lord."
     That really spoke to me.  When I am hurting my husband I am sinning against God.  For some reason it is easier for me to ask forgiveness of God.  Maybe because I know that He is perfect and He has never wronged me.  He is always right, I am always the wrong one. 
     Here's the thing, when you ask God to forgive you first, He changes your heart.  I don't have to work so hard at asking my husband to forgive me or to even forgive him before he asks for it, God does that in me.  And He did it in me.  And it was then that we were able to resolve our argument. 
     And I really hope this is a lesson I remember for next time.  One I should already know.  One I have been trying to practice more of.  Pray.  Pray. Pray.  In every situation.  Pray.

Will you remember this day?

I heard several times on the news this morning how people would remember this day, they would remember what they were doing when they heard the news that Osama Bin Laden was killed.  And I wondered if I would really. 
I remember the moment I watched the planes fly into the Twin Towers.  I remember the relief I felt at the realization that my brother was on vacation and indeed not on his way to work at the World Trade Center that day.  I remember going to New York in November and seeing the wreckage.  I remember the acrid smell of burnt metal that still was so very strong even 2 months later.
Those memories are burnt into my brain.  But the killing of the man who instigated it?  I am not sure it will be burned quite as clearly.  I am sure I will remember the relief I felt.  Because my human nature feels relief at the death of this man.  Even more so, I will remember people celebrating his death and feeling sad about that.
Yep, you heard me.  I feel sad that people are so rejoicing the death of this horrible man.  I feel sad because he was a sinner who died not knowing the truth.  Who died without accepting the sacrifice Jesus made for him. 
A sinner.  Like me.  The only difference is I have asked for forgiveness and Jesus' blood has washed me clean. 
This is my favorite quote that I saw on facebook about the subject:
     "I'm just glad Jesus stepped in the way of the Navy Seal Team that justly stood outside my compound of evil."
I think what I will remember most about this day is gratefulness.  Grateful that God is better than us.  That He is indeed not human.  That He would never rejoice in our death, especially of an unforgiven life.  That He fights for us, to bring us home.  That above all else, He loves us.  No matter what.  Even with our sinful nature.  He loves us.

What happened to April?

I had such big plans.  Plans of cleaning and organizing and making my house look and feel decluttered.  I think I got exactly 4 kitchen cupboards reorganized and cleaned, the fridge (not sure when the smoothie was spilled in it but I had been ignoring it for awhile) and the laundry room.  That's it.  That's all I accomplished with my spring cleaning goal.
Here is what I did instead:
     Comforted my son when he got the stomach bug, took time off work to take him to the doctor b/c of a persistant stomachache for several months.  Tried to catch up on sleep when he was better.
     Comforted my daughter 4 days later when she got the same stomach bug except worse and she wasn't able to make it to the bathroom the first time.  Did laundry, did more laundry.  Cleaned carpets with Resolve in the wee hours of the night.  Woke up every hour to hold bucket for her.  Shampooed same carpets b/c Resolve was not enough.  Oh and learned that after you wash vomit soaked blankets, you should clean your washer.  Really you should.  Before doing any more regular laundry.  Please do this, it will save you a lot of grief and a very high water bill.*
     Cleaned house for son's birthday party/sleepover.  Make birthday cake.  Freak out when my husband calls me day of party to say he is heading home from work sick.  Entertained 7 eight year old boys,  fed family, check on husband, presents/cake - try to take pictures and video for my sequestered husband, get 6 boys to bed, check in husband, debate whether sleeping in the same bed with him is a good idea (turns out it wasn't) but the couch doesn't sound too thrilling.  Boys wake up at 6, make breakfast, entertain boys.  Take nap after everyone finally leaves.  Have Easter Egg hunt with friends the next day.
     Recuperate from party and sickness.  Come down with sickness myself 4 days later. 
     Celebrate Easter.
     Now we are at the last week and honestly, all I can do is catch up and try to get back into my regular routine.  Got my house cleaned this morning.  Got to exercise.   Am feeling pretty good.  But my house is not spring cleaned and it isn't going to be for now.  I just have to let that goal go. 
And that's okay.  It's good to be flexible and it's good to not beat yourself up when your plans don't work the way you think they should.  Sometimes life gets in the way. 
And honestly, the day after I came down with the bug, I still was feeling lousy and I rested all day.  Guilt free.  I took a nap, read a book, watched tv in the middle of the day.  Guilt free.  Did I mention it was guilt free?  Because it is really hard as a mom to stop sometimes.  There is always something that needs to be done.  Always a meal to be cooked and a bathroom to be cleaned and laundry to fold.  Always.  Sometimes we need to let it all go and just have a day for ourselves. 
*cleaning your washer: Fill tub with water on hottest setting, pour some vinegar in.  I eyeballed it but probably a couple of cups.  I also poured in baking soda, probably half a small box.  Let agitate then sit for an hour.  Finish wash cycle.  If yours is really bad (and mine was!) do the same process again but with bleach instead of vinegar.
My clothes had honsestly not been feeling like they were getting clean for awhile and this has definitely helped wtih that.  I am going to be doing this on a more regular basis for sure.  And I finally convinced my hubby that vinegar really does make things smell better!

Feeling convicted and a little Etsy pondering

Last week after I wrote my goal for April of spring cleaning, I started panicking a little at the thought of it.  I already feel a little overwhelmed with my normal list of activities that I do, so adding this big project started scaring me.  But then I started thinking about how much time in the day I waste.  It is really easy for me to get on the computer and spend my day away.  Some of that time is legitimate: researching things, buying gifts, looking up recipes, paying bills...but some is pure waste: checking facebook, checking email, rechecking email, looking at blogs.  All of that is fun, but it definitely takes me away from other stuff I could and should be doing.  I am really praying about this and hoping I can walk away from the computer more and accomplish the things I really want to this month!
So today, was my first real day to start my spring cleaning and I did waste more time than I should have on the computer this morning.  But I was determined to do better in the afternoon.  I ended up getting 4 cupboards cleaned and rearranged in my kitchen.  It really isn't enough to get me to the finish line at the end of the week but I was also making dinner, making muffins for breakfast, sweeping, taking care of dogs...you get the idea, general life stuff.  I will keep you posted on how it goes.
The other thing I have been considering is selling some stuff on Etsy.  I have been feeling a little stressed about money lately and I have been trying to think of things I could do to help pay for our Disneyland trip, to cover swim lessons, and extras for school and stuff like that without actually working more hours. 
At the same time, I just finished crocheting 2 baby blankets for friends at church and I made them in a whirlwind b/c their due dates were coming.  I worked on them every night for several weeks.  Now that I am finished with them, I am feeling a little lost at night.  I love relaxing in front of the tv at the end of the day but I am finding more and more than I want to multitask whether it is the crocheting, or blogging, or cutting coupons.  It has been really hard to just sit. 
My friend Kelleigh just posted something about her Etsy shop selling cash envelopes and she has sold 50 in the past 2 months!  That is amazing and they are super cute too.  I am not good at that sort of stuff but I can make a pretty good baby blanket.  So I am thinking and praying about making them and selling them.  I don't have quite the reach that Kelleigh does when it comes to selling stuff, as I just don't know that many people but it wouldn't hurt to try.  I will keep you guys posted on that as well.

April

Wow,  March was a really long month!  Did anyone else feel that way.  It rained, and rained, and rained.  Record breaking rain in amount and number of days in a row- 29 consecutive days of rain.  Not only did it rain a lot, but it was cold!  I am really done with being cold.

I am glad April is starting.  I am just hoping for a few days of sun here and there.  Plus it means we are closer to going to Disneyland.  Yes, we are going to Disneyland in May and I am excited.  Hopefully, it will be really really sunny while we are there!

But back to April.  April is going to be my spring cleaning month.  My house is desperate for it.  My garage is desperate for it.  I am ready for clutter removal and clean spaces.  My life has been pretty chaotic lately and I am lucky to get my normal house cleaning stuff done let alone anything extra.  I am even thinking of sending my kids to daycare one day so I have an entire day to do stuff.  What a luxury that would be!  And I am pretty sure it would be worth it to pay that extra money for a little bit of sanity.

There are 4 full weeks in April and I have 8 "spaces" plus the garage (that will require hubby though so maybe a weekend day).  The upstairs (which contains 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms) I consider to be 4 spaces as I am linking the bathrooms together, then I have the kitchen, living room, dining room, and hallway/laundry/bathroom space.  So 2 spaces per week is my goal.  Starting with the kitchen (because it so desperately needs it and it's where I am a lot!) and laundry/hall/bathroom. 

Goals for spring cleaning:
1) Get things really clean.  I know that is kind of obvious, but my house really needs a deep cleaning and this includes things like dusting the top of my kitchen cupboards - Yuck!
2) Get things organized.  Go through cupboards, shelves, filing cabinets, closets and reorder and reorganize.
3) Get rid of stuff! We have a small house and a lot of stuff.  It's time to clean out the kids' drawers in preparation for warm weather (maybe this is a "if I get them summer clothes, the sun will shine kind of thing", I know I know, wishful thinking), clear space for upcoming birthday presents, get stuff ready for a garage sale.
4) Find a better system for my stockpiles.  My husband is happy with my saving money but I could use a better system especially for toiletries.
5) Do some finishing touches on decorations around the house, we need curtains for our bathroom, to finish my son's bedroom redo, reorganize my girls room now that the toddler beds are gone, etc...

I guess that's it.  Hopefully I can accomplish this goal!  Wish me luck!

Menu Plan

While I haven't exactly been posting my meal plan, I have been better about planning my meals this month.  I have also used some of my random leftovers from the freezer which was one of my plans for the month as well.  I am hoping to get my freezers organized soon and figure out a way to easily know what's in them and what stuff I have for a quick meal.  For example, last week I had leftover roast beef so threw together some quick pulled beef sandwhiches, they were so good.  And the week before I had leftover stuff for making stuffed shells, super easy to do and yummy as well.
This week, I have been struggling with my meal plan.
Here's what I have so far:
Sunday: leftover chicken/broccoli alfredo for adults and homemade mac and cheese for kids (I discovered you really can make homemade mac and cheese in the time it would take to make the boxed kind)
Monday: cheesy noodle bake from Pioneer Woman's cookbook, green beans, homemade bread
Tuesday: I am making a meal for a family at church and am struggling with this, maybe chili, maybe beef stew.  But whatever I make them, we will have as well along with homemade bread
Wednesday: Leftovers
Thursday: might be a hot dog night or if it's nice, grilled chicken on the BBQ, not sure
Friday: Having friends over, maybe we will get pizza, haven't done that in awhile
Saturday: I have no idea

So that is sort of a half hearted meal plan I know.
But I thought I would share how I make homemade mac and cheese.  So much better than Kraft and it really is simple once you get the hang of it.  If you are an exact sort of person, this might be kind of hard b/c I don't really measure things for this except the butter and flour.  I use equal parts butter and flour for the rue but always just eyeball the milk and cheese.
The trick is the Rue sauce.  Once you have that down you are good to go. 
2 Tablespoons butter
2 Tablespoons flour
milk
cheese - truth is I mostly use Velveeta but you can use whatever kind you want
salt and pepper
-Get water started for boiling noodles, cook noodles until desired tenderness and drain.
-Melt butter in pan, add flour and stir together.  Add 1/2 cup or so of milk and wisk together, add some salt and pepper (the salt helps it boil and thicken). 
-When the mix starts thickening, add more milk a little at a time and wisk together.  When it thickens, add a little more milk.  I just eyeball this.  You can adjust the amount of milk to how many noodles you cook. The trick is to only add some at a time and let it thicken, that helps this process go fast otherwise if you add all the milk at once, it takes forever to thicken.
-Once you get the desired thickness and amount  you want, add cheese.  Make sure you keep stirring so it doesn't burn on the bottom.  This is something I also eyeball.  It just depends on how cheesy you want it.  I add some at a time and when I feel it is cheesy enough, stop.
-Add in noodles and mix together.

And there you have it.  Homemade mac and cheese.  Really quite easy and it takes so few ingredients and really not that much time.  And to be honest, it was way better than the leftover alfredo my husband and I ate!

Waiting on the Lord

All three of my kids go to Sunday school now.  Wow, that is really nice.  While I did enjoy having them in church service, it is nice to actually be able to sit and listen to the sermon.  I might actually start taking a notebook to jot down notes now that I don't have kids climbing on me and snacks to fetch, and potty breaks.
Last sunday was a good lesson to hear.  It actually was a fairly normal sermon as far as what I was getting out of it.  Then our pastors' final point, the one he really drove home, was one I so desperately need to hear.  This would have been a good time to have that notebook so that I could review it again and again. 
Waiting on the Lord.  There are a lot of verses out there about that topic.  We must need to be reminded over and over again though.  I know I do.
It is so easy to get frustrated with life.  Easy to want things to happen now.  Not later, now.  Forget that there could be a lesson to learn.  Forget that there might be something specatular that happens with waiting that might not happen without the wait.  Forget that God sees the big picture and not just this frame in time.  Forget that He really nows what is best for me. 
I have been struggling with some different issues lately.  I sort of feel I am in this holding pattern.  A holding pattern I don't want.  I am ready for  some things to happen.  But they aren't.  And honestly, I can't quite see how they might happen.  Or the solution.  But I know I want it to start happening.  I don't want to wait.  And I don't wait patiently well. 
Then I heard this:

Ps. 37:7 "Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him."

Ps. 27:14 "Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage.  And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!"

Ps. 37: 34 " Wait on the Lord, and keep His way, and He shall exalt you to inherit the land;"

Ps. 62: 5-8 "My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him.  He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved.  In God is my salvation and my glory; the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God."

Lam. 3: 25-26 "The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him.  It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."

Isaiah 40:31 "But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."

That last one is one of my favorites.  It doesn't just tell me to wait on the Lord, but it gives me hope, peace, and something to look forward to.  It is a promise that when we wait, God meets our needs.  He will help us through it.  He will help us with the waiting.

And while our pastor didn't mention this verse, it is my favorite verse of the Bible.  And it fits in everything we do.  Whether waiting, whether acting on something, whether despairing, whether growing wearing.  It is a promise from God.  A promise that what we are doing is not meaningless in this life.  And that He has plans for us.  It fills me with hope in whatever situation I am in. 

Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." 

Chicken with broccoli and garlic sauce

Here is the recipe I promise.  It is really easy and uses stuff most of us have on hand which is great.
2 t olive oil
1 pound uncooked chicken breast cut in 1 inch pieces
1 t dried thym
1/2 t salt
1/4 t pepper
3 medium garlic cloves, minced
2 cups broccoli
1 1/2 cups chicken broth, divided
1 1/2 T cornstarch
2 cups cooked brown rice

-Heat oil in skillet, cook garlic stirring 1 minute
-season chicken with thyme, salt and pepper
-add chicken to oil and cook until browned on all sides
-add broccoli, cover and cook 2 minutes
-add 1 cup chicken broth, cover and simmer approximately 5 minutes
-in a cup, dissolve cornstarch in 1/2 cup broth, then add to skillet
-simmer until thickened, stirring occasionally
-serve over rice
For those of you who are gluten free, I don't know if cornstarch is gluten free but as long as you use gluten free broth, you are good to go.

Prayer Requests

It has been awhile since I have asked if you have any prayer requests.  It's not that I haven't been praying for my friends in general, but february was just sort of lost on me and I am trying to get back into some sort of rhythm.  So, if you have anything you want prayer for, please post in the comments.  I happily pray for you guys and it helps me to think of something besides my own woes:-)

Menu planning

This week is totally up in the air at this point.  Yesterday we ended up having leftover pizza from saturday when my mom watched the kids and that messed up my leftover night (tonight) and I just haven't sat down to really think about this weeks cooking.
Here goes off the cuff:
monday: crockpot chicken, parmesan noodles, broccoli
tuesday: I am undecided but maybe I will get adventurous and try something from the Pioneer Woman's cookbook which I just borrowed from my mother in law
wednesday: leftovers from tuesday or a big green salad with all the fixings- chicken, boiled egg, cheese, etc...
thursday: meatloaf, potatoes of some sort
friday: friend cooks
saturday: we are having pizza for lunch at a birthday party so maybe just a  movie night which means popcorn, cheese, crackers, summer sausage, apples

That sounds pretty good to me for just coming up with it on the fly.  I can't remember if I mentioned in my March goal or not but something I really want to do is try new dishes and if I am ambitious, I would like to try a new one every week.
This week I also plan on making  raspberry scones (made some sunday but took them all to the potluck so didn't get to enjoy them) and maybe some more zucchini bread or cinnamon rolls which were a huge hit and probably some cookies as I am trying to buy less of that sort of thing and make more homemade stuff.
Happy eating!

March

Here we are on the 3rd day of March and I haven't really gotten into my goal for this month yet.  I have sort of started on it but not thoroughly.
While I am still going to work on digging into the Word, and continue to be intentional about my sugar intake, I want to be intentional about my cooking.
With couponing, the idea is you stock up on stuff while it is on sale and plan meals accordingly.  I have been stocking up but I still by regular groceries for some things instead of going into my "stash" to shop.  Obviously, things have a limited shelf life so I need to be better about rotating it through and I need to be better about using my freezer stuff b/c come June, we will start adding berries to our freezer and it really needs to be cleaned by then.  That means I need to start being better about eating the food that is in there.
Plus, my kids seem to have gotten pickier if that is even remotely possible.  Making meals has become not a fun thing as my kids turn their noses up at most things.  My son is pretty good about trying stuff and he will actually eat beef which is nice.  My middle girl will try stuff and eat some of it but not everything.  My youngest however, now has a repertoire of about 5 foods and this includes pizza, quesadillas, grilled cheese, chicken nuggets, and plain chicken.  So you can see my frustration and lack of joy when it comes to cooking. 
But, I my goal for this month is to meal plan.  To have things ready so I am not scrambling at 5:00 to figure out what to eat.  I also plan to involve my kids more in the hope that they will be more willing to try stuff.  Basically I just need to get organized.
So here is my meal plan for this week (and yes I know it is thursday but thought I would put stuff out there in case anyone wants recipes or to give you ideas)
Monday: Garlic chicken with broccoli and brown rice - this is a yummy weight watchers recipe that is super easy and so good.  I had forgotten about it (another reason to be organized with menu planning)
Tuesday: leftovers for hubby and I, the kids had noodles with either red sauce or Zesty Italian
Wednesday: beef tacos
Thursday: leftovers
Friday: crockpot pot roast with potatoes and carrots
            I am also making sausage biscuits for a shower saturday morning
Saturday: the kids are gone so we will be eating out :-)
Sunday: the main meal will be planned for next week but I need an Irish dish for a church potluck so if anybody has any suggestions, I am open to them.

I know we have a lot of leftovers.  That is something I am thinking about changing and if I can get organized I will.  But on the days I work, it is really hard to come home and cook so I usually make extra when I cook on Sundays and Tuesdays (for mondays and wednesdays -friday we have people over so that varies but if I am cooking, I try to do it on thursday)
Hopefully I will post next weeks meals on Sunday.  One thing my family did was sit down and make a list of foods we want for this month.  Another way to get the kids involved and make them feel they have input.
Happy March everyone!

Where Did February Go?

I know it is a short month but it went by really really fast this year.  Normally, I love February.  Coming off the long dreary month of January, it is usually a relief to me.  But this year not so much.  It wasn't a great month and I am glad it is over.
I haven't been blogging and I think part of it is because too much happened, I didn't have time or know where to begin and I didn't do so well on my February goal.  I started strong, reading 1 John but fizzled pretty quickly.  I have gotten through chapter 3.  This morning (as I was finishing chapter 3) I read this in John Courson's Commentary of the New Testament:
     "When our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts.  He knows all things.  He knows we are made of dust, that we make promises we can't keep, and that we are bound to fall and fail.  Yet He also knows that we are His and that He has a glorious plan for our lives."
Just when I was pondering my failures, God finds a way to reassure me.  It is really easy to condemn ourselves when we fail or compare ourselves to others and their accomplishments.  What a relief to know that God doesn't do that to us.  He already knows what we are going to do, yet He loves us anyway. 
When I was digging into the Bible, I did really enjoy it.  It was a nice change from just trying to finish reading the Bible.  This is something I am definitely going to keep working on.  And if you are looking for a good Bible Commentary I would recommend John Courson's Commentaries.  My husband got them for Christmas this year and I have really enjoyed them.  Plus, I have heard him preach several times and his teachings are solid and he is great to listen to.  I think his sermons are also on the radio.  He is our current pastor's brother and head of Applegate Christian Fellowship in Southern Oregon. 
And on to March...

My girl turns 4!

How did my baby go from this... 

and this...

to this...



I cannot believe she is 4!  It happened way too quickly!

Happy birthday to my sweet pea!

Thanks

For everyone's prayers for us dealing with our poor kitty.   The girls have handled it pretty well, my son...well I think with him being older had a little more difficult of a time and asked when we could go visit "the stones".  I think I am going to end up with some "stones" in my backyard.

I have been thinking a lot about death lately.  This has been a year of 3's for me.  An uncle died last summer, then a cousin's husband over Christmas, and yesterday another uncle died.  They were all different circumstances with different beliefs and I am just so grateful for having a relationship with God.  That I know there is more to life than this.  My uncle who died yesterday was full of bitterness and anger and hate.  He was actually not a nice man at all.  But he was family and my mom is grieving and I am sorry for his life.  Sorry he couldn't see anything more than how unfair life was and how it treated him poorly.  It makes me sad to think he died alone, not knowing the grace of God, the forgiveness of God, what Christ did for us.  And it makes me realize as I talk to my brother who is not a Christian, that I need to pray.  For some reason it is really hard for me to pray for his salvation or the salvation of my dad.  I will admit that I don't have faith that it will happen.  I can't even imagine them changing.  But my belief doesn't matter.  The place I need to start with is on my knees.

So I am going to try to be a better prayer warrior for my family because life can be sooo ugly, but it doesn't have to be.  It can be beautiful and full of grace and mercy and compassion and it's sad that they don't see that.

On the flip side of all of this is my beautiful daughter.

Who yesterday prayed with her daddy to accept Jesus into her heart.  She has been telling us for a year that she did it privately to herself but yesterday something changed in her heart and she wanted to pray it out loud.  I am sad that I wasn't there but so grateful that she was with her dad and took this big step.  And I am so grateful to our God who is always faithful to remind us of hope amidst sadness and death.

My Couponing Strategies

I have had some people recently ask me how I coupon.  So I thought I would do a little series on how I do it.
     There are lots of great couponing sites out there where I have gleaned information from.  I will say right upfront that I am not an extreme couponer.  I don't clear shelves, I don't buy 20 of anything, I don't dumpster dive for coupons or buy 4 sunday papers or buy coupons off of ebay.  I am a middle of the road couponer.  I work outside of the home so I want to be a good steward of my time at home as well as my money.  And couponing can take a lot of time if you aren't careful.
     First though, I am going to talk budget.  I used to have no idea how much I spent on groceries.  I used coupons sometimes, I bought things when I saw them on sale but if I felt I really needed it, and it wasn't on sale, I would go ahead and buy it.  I used my debit card always.
     A few years ago, my husband set up a spreadsheet to track expenses (remember, he is the spreadsheet king) and it started giving us a better idea of how much we spent.  It was all over the place though.  Some months it would be $500, some $800.  It was crazy.  It wasn't unheard of for us to go to Costco and spend $200.  I will add, that at the time we were buying diapers and formula which is a big expense.  At one time, I had 2 kids in diapers and 1 in pullups at night.  That does really add up. 
     Then we started on the cash system.  My original grocery budget was $600/month.  This was for groceries and toiletries.  We did this for a year or 2. 
     Then, about a year ago, we started thinking more about trying to pay off our car and school loans.  That's when I got interested in really couponing.  I was reading blogs and seeing what people were budgeting for groceries.  The rule of thumb seemed to b $50 per person per month.  $250 a month.  I didn't think I could go from $600 to $250.  That's kind of crazy.  So I settled on $400, $100 per adult, $50 per kid, plus $50 for miscellaneous things like animals. 
     Here's the thing though.  It is really easy to get caught up in comparing yourself to what others are spending.  People have all sorts of different needs.  For example, my son is allergic to peanuts.  That counts out a lot of inexpensive, coupon friendly foods.  Instead of peanut butter which you can find super cheap, I buy lunch meat which isn't.  Instead of granola bars, again that you can find super cheap, I buy cereal bars which aren't quite as inexpensive.  So, you may be gluten free.  That adds a lot to your budget.  And that's okay.  Or you may buy only organic, that is great!  I wish I was there.  My goal is to eventually buy more organic stuff but I haven't gotten there yet.
     I love this post by Laura: our-real-food-grocery-budget because she puts it into perspective.  This is someone who used to spend $100 on groceries per month with couponing.  Now she grows a huge garden, grinds her own flour, eats organic meats and produce and dairy.  So her budget is higher and you know what?  She is okay with that.  She knows her family is eating healthier and that is more important. 
     So, do what you have to do.  Look at your budget.  You may be able to find places where you can cut back.  Toiletries is a big one.  I used to spend a ton on toilet paper, soap, toothpaste.  But I now save a lot on that stuff.  Because, there are things that I won't do without foodwise,  there are things I will spend more money on.  I wil tell you what they are later.
Next time, I will show you my system for couponing.  It's not perfect but it works for me. 

February

I started thinking about my February goal as soon as I started my January one.  I started feeling a little panicky that I didn't have my year mapped out.  But that is sort of the point of monthly goals isn't it?  To see where I am at the time and build on that.  So I calmed myself down and decided to focus on one month at a time.  Knowing and trusting that God will lead me where I need to go.
And really as soon as I started thinking about February, there were signs in lots of places.
Craving God.
I am trying to curtail my sweet cravings.  I am limiting how much sugar I take in.  Trying to break the habit of using dessert as my emotional go-to response.  But I need something to replace it.  I need God.  Quite frankly, I have been apathetic about getting closer to God.  Not in the prayer sense.  I feel God has been working on me with that part of my life for some time. 
But reading the Bible.  Learning more about Him.  Trying to understand His words.  I have been slacking lately.
One of the Christian radio stations (K-Love or Air1, can't remember which) has been talking about getting rid of addictions and craving God instead.  My friend Kelleigh has been challenging people to read the  Bible-in-90-Days, and then our women's winter retreat where our pastor's wife brought up a verse that coincided as well (for the life of me I can't remember it).  I know I need to rededicate my time to reading the Bible.  I have read the Bible through a couple of times.  I am currently on a 4 year plan:-)  But I feel I need more.  I really need more understanding.  I need to sit down and study the Bible.  I have been blessed with going to a private Christian schools since 6th grade.  I am super grateful for that background but I want to learn more.  It has been a long time since I have studied the Bible outside of church.
So that is my February goal.  To study the Bible.  I have been trying to figure out where to start with all of it.  I was reminded of our pastor talking about reading the Bible and he said to just pick a book and start.  You don't have to start at Genesis or Matthew, just pick one. 
As we are studying the book of John on Sundays, I have been reminded of how much I love his writings.  His books talk a lot about the love and grace of God.  I even took a Writings of John class in college because I love the books so much.  So I am going to revisit them.  Starting with 1 John.  I already read through all three books this morning.  Now I want to sit down and dive in. Take notes.  Read commentaries.  Really study it.  I am really excited about this.
The second thing I am going to do is start a Bible study with my husband.  We have done devotionals together and gone to Bible studies, but have never really done one ourselves.  He suggested it and I think it is a great idea for us. 
So there you have it.  Month number 2.  And you know my mind is already thinking towards March:-)