January

Monthly goals.  That is my plan. We will see if I get through 12.  It is iffy but the idea for me with this is to not look too far ahead which is why I am doing this monthly.  So here goes January.
I love food.  I do.  I wish I didn't.  I wish I was like my dad who enjoys food but in the end can sort of take it or leave it.  Unfortunately, I didn't really quite get how much I loved food until recently.  As you know if you have read any of this blog lately, I have been sick a lot this fall.  Really the only benefit of getting sick, is that you just don't feel like eating.  Nothing sounds good.  The result is your stomach shrinks.  This happened to me.  I started losing weight. 
     Now, I have been exercising more regularly since my last child was born almost 4 years ago.  I even went through a period where I exercised 3-5 times a week.  That is a lot when you work, raise 3 kids, 2 pets and a husband.  I lost 2 sizes.  I did not go under my regular weight.  There was nothing I could do seemingly to lose a few extra pounds.  And just when I might have started to lose a pound, I stopped exercising.  Summer came, I got busy, it wasn't a priority.  That was almost 2 years ago.  Since then, I have fluctuated with my weight by a couple of pounds but never gone below that number.  Until this fall.  I lost a pound, then another and another and it became 5 pounds.  Amazing for me.  I wasn't exercising.  I hadn't exercised at all because of being sick but I was eating less.  And when I started feeling better, I made a conscious effort to continue to eat less.  And it felt good and I knew if I added exercise, it would be even better.
     Last week, we had pizza.  I ate 2 pieces and 1 cheesy bread.  And I felt full.  Full.  That is hardly any pizza.  I can usually eat way more than that.  But I was full.  And I felt kind of sad.  Because it was good and I wanted more.  I knew I should stop so I did.  But I had that moment of sadness and then a moment of realization at how much I really love food.  How silly to be sad because I couldn't eat more.  I should be happy.  After all, it helped me lose weight.  I don't need another piece of pizza.  That's when I realized how much I really loved food in an unhealthy way.  Something I needed to change.
     I have 1 more thing to add to the story. Stay with me....this does have something to do with my January resolution.   After Thanksgiving, when I still wasn't feeling well, I got kind of tired of goodies.  I think part of it was that I hadn't been eating them and part was that I got inundated with them with it being the holidays.  I started thinking maybe I should take a time out from sugar in January.  But I have to be honest, the thought kind of panics me.  I am not really an all or nothing kind of person.  The minute I start "depriving" myself, is the very minute I start wanting it more.  If it were health related I could do it.  I have done it.  I got rid of peanuts, peanut butter, all my favorite candies and cookies and recipes because of my sons allergy.  I can do it if I had to.  But the problem is, I don't really have to.  It isn't life or death.  But I still feel like I need to take a break from sugar.  So do I avoid it during the week and allow myself to eat it on the weekends, do I allow myself 1 day or 2?  These were things I have been thinking about and praying about because I know myself.  I needed a cheat.  And then it came to me, a cheat.  I need a cheat for myself to try this.  I know my body would be better in the long run to completely get rid of it, but my heart can't quite wrap itself around that.  Even just thinking about it this week, I think I have gained back the 5 pounds that I lost eating over Christmas and New Years. 
     So my January goals are: eat smaller portions and cut out sweets - with 4 cheats.  The cheat can be a mocha or a hershey's kiss or a cookie but each one will count and if I do it all on monday then I have to wait until the next monday rolls around.  I am starting this monday.  Feel free to pray for me:-)
     If you have any New Year's resolutions or weight loss issues that you want prayer for, please let me know.  I know what a struggle this can be and how helpful it is when people are supporting you through it.