Perspective

I was going to log on and complain about how I got so little sleep last night between kids getting up, having accidents, changing sheets and waking up early. As well as whine about the snow coming and not being done Christmas shopping, or grocery shopping or worrying about what monday might bring and how I might be able to get to work if it's icy...etc
But then this morning I read the Christmas letter from my friend Cherise. Last December, her brother shot and killed 4 people, wounded at least 1 other person before killing himself. It was a horrible tragedy and one I cannot imagine going through. She just talked about how amazing God has been this past year. How the families of the victims have embraced her and her family and completely forgiven Matthew for what he did. About God's unconditional forgiveness and the true reason for this season. All of my whinings and complainings are pretty trivial compared to what they have been through this past year. When I get harried and frantic about what I feel I need to get accomplished before next thursday, I think I just need to sit back and thank God for sending his Son, for knowing He would die a horrible death but doing it out of love for us. I need to focus on this not only for myself but for my kids, so they learn the true lesson of Christmas.

What would you do?

Wow it has been a long time since I blogged. Am not sure what I have been doing except trying to get ready for Christmas.
Here is my dilemma: I bought a shirt for Princess at Freddy's. Or so I thought. When I got home, I glanced at the receipt to see how much it was as it was on sale and it wasn't there. The lady didn't ring me up for it. Honestly, if it was a 1 or 2 dollar item, I probably wouldn't give it too much thought and if I had never looked at the receipt I never would have known I didn't get charged for it. But I feel bad. At the time I was not going to load the kids back up in the car, head to the store and go back and say "look you didn't charge me for this". But I still feel bad, like I stole it. I feel God telling me to do the right thing. I am leaning toward just carrying it into the store next time I go and adding it to my pile of groceries. That's my plan anyway. What would you do?

sickness

Last night the girls came down with a fever. Just out of the blue. Princess was the most miserable and refused to take medicine for a long time. She sort of wimpered and talked all night in her sleep. She was sleeping with me so needless to say I didn't get a lot of sleep. Sweet Pea actually slept 13 hours which is a record for any of my kids. I finally checked on her around 8:30 and probably woke her up. I was getting worried because she was sleeping so long. Then Bud had a fever this morning so had to stay home from school.
It has been a long day with nothing much accomplished on my part. They all still have fevers so will see how the night goes.
The only positive thing about this is that they are all sick at the same time so I don't have to anticipate them getting sick one right after the other and drag it out.

Soccer is over!!

Can you tell I am excited? I am sooo glad it is over. I loved watching son play games, that was no big deal but practices just killed me. They were right at the time I was getting into my stride of cleaning and cooking. It took forever to get the kids ready to go and make them go potty b/c of course there was no bathroom there, pack snacks or pick something to entertain the girls with for 45 minutes, get son to actually put on his soccer stuff, I could go on. Then to come home at 6:30 and feed them and bathe them and put them to bed. Unfortunately, those were the days husband usually didn't get home until the kids were in bed. So yes, I am very happy it is over.
But to be fair, some positive things came out of it:
Watching son play was a hoot, at least for me, husband felt his blood pressure rising often. Son liked to get out there and then it was as if he were playing some sort of imaginary game in his head complete with mouth movements and hand gestures. But he ran the whole time he was out there.
His endurance has definitely increased the past few weeks and he no longer complains his legs hurt after riding 2 blocks on his bike.
He had a great team, all of the kids were likeable and friendly. No bully in the bunch. A couple of them actually go to son's school so he gets to play with them at recess.
The coach was great. Even though husband was frustrated that he didn't have the kids scrimmage more during practice, the coach made sure the kids were having fun but didn't let them misbehave and made them run laps if they weren't listening to him. I think if we had a coach who pushed the kids too much, it would have turned son off from playing next year (which I can't even think about right now)
It didn't rain. Yes this is the biggest one of all. We started out with 90-100 temperatures and ended up in the 50's for the last practice but we didn't get rained on. It sprinkled at 2 games, the last one we used an umbrella for a little while but it didn't last very long.

I know as my kids get older and more of them are playing sports, I am only going to get busier and shouldn't complain too much. But for now, I am glad to have my tuesdays and thursdays back to myself and my normal routines.

Now on to basketball...no I am not kidding. It starts saturday. But the good thing about is that husband has to take him to it and they only meet on saturdays. No games, just learning about the game.
yes, eventually son will have to pick which sport he wants to focus on, but for now I am glad he wants to try all the different ones.

Can't do it all

Sometimes I forget that I am a working mom. I think b/c I am home 2 days a week that I should be able to get everything done. I have all day to accomplish household chores, errands and trying to fit exercise in, right? I have recently decided however, that I need to cut myself some slack. Granted, I could accomplish more if I spent less time doing things like blogging, but I need some me time and I am not willing to give that up yet. I am trying to be a little more organized. Some things are working and others are not. I used to think that when my kids were older, I would have more time to get things done. But I am realizing that as they get older, they get busier. One more week of soccer. I might feel a little better about things when that is done. It has completely messed with my afternoon/evening routine.
I did get the bathrooms cleaned today, folded two loads of laundry, vacuumed upstairs and even kind of dusted. Oh and went to the grocery store and went on a walk with the girls. I feel better looking at that list. Maybe I will go take a nap:-)

Warms my heart

To see my 3 year old singing worship songs at church. Such a great feeling that she is actually picking up the words and singing along. She loves to sing but I haven't seen her sing much other than Annie songs and recently Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer (still 2 months to Christmas- she gets that from her dad).

Not feeling well

It hit me hard last night and I was up all night it felt like. Never had a UTI before and hope I don't get them anymore. I feel I constantly have to pee, way worse than being 9 months pregnant kind of peeing and I just don't feel well today.
But, the kids are at daycare b/c I was supposed to work and called out sick so I have the whole day to myself. I am enjoying it so far.

Amazing events

Today I was able to get princess back to bed. That seems like a silly statement but let me explain. She has been getting up between 5-5:15 the past few weeks it seems. And I am sick of it. I try to send her back to bed, ignore her, let daddy take her, etc...She either refuses to go with daddy, pulls my blankets off, or screams and cries until I give in. This morning, I decided I had enough. So I said no, go back to bed or crawl in bed with me and I rolled away from her. Well, that didn't work, she just kept crying and woke up son. Sigh. Finally, I had an idea. I asked her if she wanted to get dressed and then crawl back in bed with me. Yes, that worked. Maybe all of these mornings have been b/c her pull up is full and she wants to get out of it. I can't guarantee that but from now on that will be my tactic. Change her and send her back to bed. She slept with me until 7:15. It wasn't great sleep but it was sleep. She even woke up once and asked where daddy and brother were, I told her and she went back to sleep. Amazing. I have such a better attitude when I get up at 7 instead of 5.
The second amazing thing that happened today is that the kids ate what I cooked for dinner. Wait, let me rephrase that. I made dinner for husband and I and the kids ate that. I didn't have to make them something different for them like chicken nuggets or hot dogs or something. I just can't figure out how to get them to eat what I make for the 2 of us. It makes getting dinner ready a huge chore b/c I am making a million different things. I know I can threaten that they either eat what I make or go to bed hungry but honestly, they get up early enough as it is, do I really want them waking up earlier b/c they are hungry?
Anyway, I made Glo's chicken, she taught the recipe to me a long time ago. It's super easy and tasty. Cut up chicken breast into small pieces, marinade in zesty italian dressing and a little sweet and sour sauce (I am out of sweet and sour so used a little hot sesame seed oil and that worked well). Pour in pan and cook until no longer pink, drain liquid and put chicken back in pan to brown. That's it. The kids all had second helpings and son had a third helping.
On a side note, I will be so glad when soccer is done. It is completely interfering with my evening routine and it's making us eat around 7 which is just too late.

Facebook

So I have been on Facebook for a year but never really used it. I had one friend who invited me to join to see pictures so I did but never really figured out how to use it. I find it a little difficult to navigate. Husband has heard people talking about it and finding old friends so he joined recently to find a high school friend and he did. So I thought I should start looking into it more and I have found 4 friends from high school that I haven't talked to in over 15 years. It is crazy how it works. I am still figuring it out and I am not sure I like the public aspect of it, if you write on someone's wall, everyone who is friends with that person can see it, so that is a little weird to me. But you can privately send a note to someone and IM, plus you can almost treat it like a blog and put pictures and stories up. I know it's ironic that this blog is public and anyone can see it, but I don't use names here and I have only told certain people about this blog.
Anyway, if you are part of Facebook and I haven't found you yet, feel free to invite me to be your friend.

Honey

I heard about this idea from my friend California SAHM to give your kids a little bit of honey before bed to help them sleep better. (I can't figure out how to link her site here, but look at my list of links and you can find her). I have been meaning to try it for a couple of weeks and decided to this weekend. Well, son gladly took the honey as he loves sweets. Princess absolutely refused to even taste it and Sweet Pea, she tried it, didn't like it but she sleeps good anyway so didn't really need it. Son slept until 7:10 saturday. I can probably count on my hands the number of times he has slept that late. Unfortunately, Princess got up at 5:30. But last night the girls stayed at Nana's so I gave son the honey again. This morning it was 7:15. I feel so refreshed having had a good nights sleep.
I am still going to try it on Princess, am not sure how. I might need to give her a bite of toast with honey on it and try it at dinner. I am not sure how it is supposed to work but if I can get her to sleep in a little bit on a regular basis I might start to feel normal again.

Home Alone

I can probably count on my hands the number of times I have been alone in my house since son was born. I worked half day today and my mother in law has the kids at her house. She offered to bring them back just before soccer so I have all afternoon to myself. It is so odd to be here with just the dog and cat. I just don't even know where to begin to enjoy it. Do I exercise, do I clean, do I take a nap, read a book or leave the house and go shopping kid free (fun shopping, not the grocery kind). I really want to do them all but I don't have that much time. I love my kids and it is hard for me to work extra and not see them as much but after Tuesday, it is nice to have a few moments to myself. I guess I will start with exercise (since I really need it) and go from there.

Guilt

Do you ever just feel like the worst mother in the world? Right now I am missing sons' first recital of Kindergarten. What in the world would make me miss such a thing you might wonder. Honestly, there is no easy answer. If you read my blog from earlier today you saw my issue with tantrums. Here's the rest of the story. I emailed husband and told him I was not taking son to soccer. After what we went through I didn't have it in me to get him ready for soccer, get the girls loaded up with stuff to keep them occupied, take them all to soccer only to leave early and load them up, change son into appropriate school clothes and cart them off to a spaghetti dinner and recital. Alone. Husband said he would be home at 5:30. Well first of all, soccer starts at 5:30, so him being home at that time wasn't really helpful. And if anyone knows my husband, they know he is often late. There was no guarantee that he would even show up at soccer at all. He called and I explained my day to him. That was at 4:10. Again he said he would be home at 5:30 and we would take the kids to the school together. Son woke up from his nap, seemingly in a better mood. We talked while the girls were taking a bath (b/c I knew it would be too late once we got home). I told him to put some laundry away, well he had to go to the bathroom but didn't want to use mommy's bathroom but didn't want to use the kids' bathroom b/c he wanted privacy and the girls were bathing. So there was the start of it. He finally went and then I told him to get ready for his bath. He got undressed and then complained he had an owie (I won't say where) but he refused to get in the bath. Once again, refusing to obey me. So by this time husband is home (5:41) and I leave disciplining son up to him. He takes son in his room, closes the door and proceeds to talk to him for 10 minutes. I reminded him what time it was (we were supposed to be at school at 6) and the talking continued for at least another 5 minutes. By that time the girls were ready, thanks to me. I was downstairs thinking, I don't want to do this alone. B/c even though husband was home, him staying in son's room talking for 15 minutes while I am trying to get last minute stuff ready to go was basically leaving it for me to do alone. Plus he still had to give son a bath (he desperately needed one). So now it is 6 o'clock and I just didn't have it in me to get everything ready and I am in tears. Husband comes down and tells son to get his shoes on we are going and princess informs him the girls aren't going. He just doesn't get it. Why him taking 25 minutes to deal with son was not helpful to me and then to expect everything else to be ready when he came down. So he tells me to take son and go. Now really, do you think I was in the mood, tear stained face and emotional instability to pack son up and take him to a spaghetti dinner and recital? Would you have been? So now I am sitting here feeling guilty, wondering why I couldn't pull it together and knowing husband thinks I am just upset over son's disobedience.
So tell me. Do your husbands dawdle when it is time to get ready to go somewhere and then expect to be able to just load up the kids in the car and drive off? It's like he doesn't get that there are diaper bags to get ready, snacks to gather, diapers to change, shoes to put on, etc. .. before we can even think about getting in the car.
I could just curl up with a bowl of ice cream and watch a sad movie right about now. Unfortunately, I still have the girls to put to bed.

Tantrums

I am at a loss. I have always struggled with keeping son under control and obeying me. He obeys his dad well but really pushes me. I tend to give in more being the softy and he completely takes advantage of it. So, when I try to reestablish parental control, I am faced with huge tantrums. And they are only getting worse as he gets older and bigger. So my question to other moms is, what do you do when your child completely and utterly won't obey? I mean they won't go to timeout, they won't go to their room and they certainly won't do the thing that you wanted them to do in the first place. Spankings don't work, taking toys away won't work. Today he actually hit and kicked me. That is really a first and I don't quite know what to do. I can still put him in his room but keeping him there takes everything I've got. He is so stubborn that he just cannot give in until he is so exhausted that he has no fight left in him. So in that sense I still "win". But like I said, he is only getting bigger and stronger.
If you have any suggestions, I would greatly appreciate it or just commiserate with me, that way I know I am not alone.
I really thought 5 would be easier. He better be super easy as a teenager.

Sleeping In

It's saturday morning at 7 and I am wide awake. Now I know those of you who don't have kids or those whose kids actually sleep in might be amazed by this because 7 am is early. I love sleeping in. I love lying in bed awake knowing I don't have to get up to do anything. But for now, those days are pretty much gone for me. All I ask is for 8 hours of sleep. It is a real rarity for me to get it. Even though husband and I take turns getting up with the kids and letting the other one sleep in on weekends. The one trying to sleep is usually interrupted lots because of crying, fighting or just plain old noisiness from the kids downstairs.
Anyway, last night I told son that we wanted to sleep in in the morning. I said, "if our door is open, that means you need to stay in your room and play quietly. If it is shut, then someone is downstairs and you can get up and go downstairs". Now really, he is 5. I thought that was expecting a lot. But at 6:40 he accidentally knocked something over in his room. He had been doing just that. Trying to play quietly in his room. But the significant thing of this story is that it was 6:40! I cannot remember the last time one of my kids didn't get up at 5. Yes, 5 am. If it isn't son then it is princess. It's awful. There is a huge difference between 5 and 6:40 and that difference is me sitting here on the computer actually feeling awake after having 8 hours of wonderful sleep.
Now, I am going to get some donuts to really start the day off right:-)

Glo

So September is a hard month for me. I think it won't be and then it is. I just can't seem to get away from it. First her birthday was the 2nd. This year it landed on the same day of the week as her last birthday, 6 years ago when she turned 30. How can I possible remember that? The day before was labor day and I found out I was pregnant that day. That same week I got an email from her saying her roommate had thrown her a 30th birthday party but didn't know how to get in touch with us. I was actually relieved. I was tired apparently from the pregnancy and wasn't up for it anyway. Although, had I known that she would die two weeks later.....
The 17th. I remember nothing about that day except the phone call. The kind you see on tv where the person just falls to the floor. Poor husband had no idea what was going on and I could barely get the words out.
You would think 6 years later it wouldn't hit me as hard but it does. It does this month, that day. The rest of the year I remember the good stuff. I remind myself that I will see her again in heaven. But that day I think about the things I miss. And it makes me sad knowing my kids will never have an "Aunt Glo", will never know her and won't be able to appreciate the impact she made on my life. I knew her for 12 years before she died and it wasn't long enough. One thing this taught me is to appreciate each day. I don't always remember that lesson but she didn't take anything for granted. She really lived every moment in a way I have never seen anyone else do. And also to appreciate my friendships. I forget to tell people how much they mean to me. But everyone who I have told about this blog is someone I trust and am very grateful to have in my life. So in case I haven't told you recently, thanks for being there for me and sharing this journey with me.

header

I want to be able to customize my header but have not been able to figure out how to do it. It probably doesn't help that I don't have photoshop.
So here is a picture of Bud and Sweet Pea. He is helping put her shoes on. Very cute. I will probably change it if I can ever figure out how, obvioulsy it is too big but this is a start.

Goals

I feel I have been in a baby haze for the past 5 years. You know the one, where you are pregnant, have a baby and just when you feel you are getting back to normal do it all again. Granted Sweet Pea is 19 months old so this haze has lasted a long time. It really needs to end. With Bud going to kindergarten I am feeling the beginnings of new energy to get my life back in order. To do that, I need some goals and I need to be accountable which is why I am writing them down. I am going to make a chart of the below goals and hang it somewhere (like at my computer) and make sure I am accomplishing them. They are not anything big or drastic b/c obviously I don't want to overwhelm myself. Anyway, here they are:
1) Send a card to a different friend every month (plus actually send birthday cards). Who doesn't love getting real mail? I know I do and it can be such a blessing when someone sends one unexpectedly.
2)Make one new recipe a month. I have a huge folder of recipes that I have cut out of magazines and I don't even know if they are good. So my goal is to try them, if they are good write them on a recipe card and file them away, if they are bad toss them.
3)Bake something with the kids helping at least once a month. I am having to bake more now with Bud's peanut allergy and what kid doesn't love to pour ingredients and stir things. It is so much easier, quicker and less messy without them:-) But it is good for them to help. If anyone has any great baking ideas that doesn't include chocolate chips (cocoa is okay) or peanut butter, let me know. I could use some fresh ideas.
4) Create a chore schedule for Bud and Princess and keep them on track. I really have been wanting to do this for a long time. They occasionally help set the table and put groceries away but I want them to learn responsibilty with helping around the house before it is time to start allowances.
5) Journal 2 times a week. In college, I journaled almost every day. It really helped me process things and get them out of my head to keep me from stressing about things too much.
6) Read the Bible 4 days a week. I know that I should do it daily. When I did my 21 day challenge, I was doing pretty good with it. But at this time, if I make the goal too high, I won't follow through. 4 days seems more reasonable for me and it is certainly better than what I am doing now.
7) Go on at least 1 date a month with husband. This summer has been bad for this. I cannot remember the last time we actually went out just the 2 of us to a movie or dinner. Maybe it was our anniversary in May. Not good.
8) Have at least one night or weekend date with a friend without kids to go shopping or even just have coffee or lunch. I definitely don't do enough just girl time. Playdates don't count b/c we are too distracted with the kids.
9) Make my kids go outside more. I am so bad at this. Simply b/c I don't always want to be out there too. And Sweet Pea isn't old enough to go in the back yard by herself. I know winter is coming but I am going to buy some raingear and get them out there stomping puddles. They definitely don't get enough fresh air.
10) Eat 5 servings of fruits and vegetables at least 5 days a week. Okay, so I am not bad with veggies believe it or not. But I have a hard time with fruit. I love fruit, I just tend to eat carbs when I am hungry and don't make it a priority unless it is super easy. I need to set a better example for my kids. I am not going to say every day though, again I don't want to set myself up for just giving up b/c it is too overwhelming.
That's a good start.

Some long term goals:
1) Take a cake decorating class. My grandma was great at decorating cakes and I have such great memories of them. If I am going to keep up with the pirate, princess and other kinds of cakes, I might need some other skills.
2) Organize pictures and put them in albums. This includes ordering pictures that are stored on the computer but that I have no hard copies for.

I am sure there are other big things I want to get done but those are the only 2 I can think of at this time.
Now I need to go make a chart! Wish me luck.

Kindergarten

Bud starts kindergarten tomorrow. I am so excited. I know I should be sad. But the thought of having 4 hours with just 2 kids on my 2 days home makes me happy. I will probably get sick of the dropping off and picking up and look forward to the days he is home, but right now I see things getting accomplished around the house that I just don't have the energy for. Or even errands being run without getting 3 kids in and out of the car.
Last year was a disaster when I dropped him off at preschool. I don't know who cried harder, him or me. Probably him as I didn't do any screaming while the teacher held me, although she did have to tell me gently to just go, he would settle down. He and I have already talked about how this year will be better. He has met his teacher and sat at his desk, plus he only has 7 kids in his class. I think it will go great.
Now I just have to get over my anxiety about his peanut allergy and how he will be exposed to foods I don't know about.

OPAM

One project a month. I have seen that on a couple of blogs and think it is a great idea. I have been struggling to keep my house in order. I get the basic cleaning, laundry, picking up toys kind of thing done. But when it comes to the deep cleaning and organizing, I tend to be hit or miss. So my new goal. Take one room a month, (pair a bedroom and a bathroom since the bathrooms are easy organizing wise) and go from top to bottom. Including, steam cleaning carpets, washing baseboards, reorganizing and cleaning out closets. It seems a little less overwhelming than trying to do it all at once. Maybe once I get through round one, it will be easier to keep up on it. We will see. I will keep you posted.
Husband requested our bedroom be the first room. So along with our bathroom that is the goal. If anyone has any good ideas for cleaning shower doors, I would greatly appreciate it. I just cannot get the soap scum off, not to mention the yucky stuff on the bottom. I might just have to buy a new one and start over. :-)

When did my 5 year old son become a teenager?

Last night I was telling son to get ready for bed. He takes a loooong time to get ready for bed. I usually have to threaten and give him a countdown, etc. So, last night I was telling him to brush his teeth, get his jammies instead of lying on the floor naked after his bath. He said to me "whatever". Whatever! When did he learn that word and how to use it properly in a disrespectful, dismissing way. He said it just like a teenager would.
Husband wasn't surprised that he has picked up attitudes from daycare. But I was. Of course, after his time out, he couldn't even remember what he had said. So I guess there still is some innocence left in him. It's a good thing we still have a few years before he actually is a teenager. I feel I am barely surviving this stage.

Men are from Mars...

I will start by saying I have a pretty great husband. He stays home one day a week with the kids, he helps with laundry and picking up and even cooking occasionally. However, sometimes he just doesn't get it. Granted, I am only home with the kids by myself 2 days a week. I work 3. I need that balance for my mental health. On weekends, we generally do things as a family or husband and I might do something while the kids are with grandma or nana. Until recently that is. Husband and friend bought a canoe together. Which is great. I want him to have hobbies and to do things with friends, that is not a big deal. He also has a Bible study 2 saturday mornings a month. Again, I want him to study the Bible with other men. When he doesn't canoe, he plays basketball in the morning with his friend (he needs to exercise) Here is my problem. In the last 3 weeks, he has been gone a lot. On Fourth of July, he was gone several hours playing basketball with said friend and installing an air conditioner in another friends apartment. Then saturday he had Bible study and he had also talked about going canoeing with his friend. It is great that he has stuff to do, but what am I doing while he is out having fun? I am home, with the kids. Doing the same thing I do during the week. Yes, I could take them somewhere but honestly it is a lot of work taking my three kids somewhere with just me. Or even with a friend. So he wouldn't go canoeing with his friend b/c I made him feel guilty about it and we decided to go to a lake and go canoeing as a family. Well, our youngest daughter got car sick on the way there and threw up everywhere so we had to turn around and go home. So that outing failed miserably.
Then last weekend, I finally convinced him to go canoeing and he did but again was gone for half a saturday. This weekend. He had to work for a few hours today. I knew that. What I didn't remember is that he had Bible study this morning (2 hours), then he has to drive to Salem and work (5 hours) plus we are adding his mom to our cell phone service so he decided to leave early and do that before working since he would be in Salem already. So again, here I am on a saturday with the kids feeling stuck. Here is the kicker. When I try to explain to him how I am feeling. What does he say? He says "it sounds to me like you resent your life". Aaagh. Now as a women reading this, is that what you heard? Because if it is, let me know. That is not at all whatI was implying. I love my kids. They are my life. I cannot imagine not having them. They melt my heart all the time. But I need a break sometimes too. How hard is it to understand that? He just doesn't get it.
The good news, my mom is coming to save me and let me go off by myself for a little while to recharge. Thank goodness for moms!

Allergies

My son has an allergy to peanuts. We figured this out a few months ago after eating 1/2 a peanut butter cookie and then have a reaction to it a couple of hours later. He doesn't like peanuts or peanut butter, so avoiding them for him is not hard. Except for the fact that tons of stuff have peanuts, peanut oil, or have been processed in plants with peanuts. I bought some mint chocolate chip ice cream never thinking I needed to worry about it. You guessed it, made with peanut oil. Oh and if I have a craving for a candy bar. Do you think I can find one without peanuts (b/c we aren't even supposed to have that stuff in the house)? No except for maybe plain hershey's chocolate. Three muskateers, kit kats were two that should not have peanuts in them or even the possibility of a peanut but they do. Frustrating.
Anyway, that is not the point of this story. Yesterday, as far as we can tell, Son had nothing at all even remotely close to eating peanuts of any kind except maybe a few Junior mints in the early afternoon. But I am pretty sure I checked the label. Last night about 10 he woke up coughing, running nose, feeling like he was going to throw up, and had bloodshot eyes. The same reaction he had after eating the cookie. He even said he needed medicine like when he ate the peanut butter cookie. So he obviously felt the same. We have no idea what could have triggered it. It was hours after eating. Fortunately, Benadryl stopped it from progressing. But it is scary. Scary that he has this allergy and it can hit him when we aren't even sure why. Now we are starting a journal for when he has these reactions. To see if there is a common theme. Hopefully, he won't have anymore. But we will keep his Benadryl and EpiPen close by just in case.

Update: 21 day challenge

So it has been 14 days and I have been doing fairly well on my daily Bible reading. I have only missed 3 days in the past 2 weeks. It helps to have some accountability, even just writing it down here. So hopefully I can keep it up.
Now if I could just exercise that much, I might be in better shape physically. But I guess being in shape spiritually is more important.

Anniversary

I said I was going to talk about our anniversary. I will keep it short but Adam completely surprised me the weekend before our anniversary. He showed up at my work on friday afternoon and said he was my new patient and we were taking off to the beach for the weekend. He had worked it all out with the moms and my job and even packed for me. I was completely blown away. Amazingly enough, it was the weekend where we had 100 degree weather and it was beautiful at the beach. We had a great time.
Next year it is my turn (he does odds and I do evens) and apparently I will have to come up with something good.

21 Day Challenge

A friend recently tried a 21 day challenge to make herself healthy...drink more water, eat fruits and veggies and cut out caffeine. I already to 2/3 of those (I really should eat more fruit and veggies!) so I am going to do my own challenge to better my spiritual health. My goal is to actually read the Bible every day. It really shouldn't be that difficult but I just cannot seem to motivate myself on my own. On a good week, I might do it 3 days but the days I read the Bible go so much better.
So, now it is written down, for anyone to see. I will check back in with my progress.

Half Empty Kind of Day

Do you ever have one of those days where you just feel like you are a bullseye for bad things to happen to you? I woke up in a fairly good mood this morning despite having a lousy night's sleep. And I was looking forward to having a relaxing day since we were gone all weekend (more on that later) and the fact that today is my 13 year anniversary. Then I found the shirts. The ones I just bought and Adam very nicely washed and very unfortunately put in the dryer. 1 out of the 3 now fit. First, I struggle buying clothes for myself right now b/c I feel the money could be spent elsewhere (bills) and b/c I am still trying to lose those last 5 pounds of baby weight and feel nothing looks good on me. So when I do find something I like at a decent price, I hope they last for a very long time. Needless to say I was upset. But more than that, I had a major meltdown. Just one of those I really need to cry and let a lot of stuff out kind of things. Son kept telling me, "grownups don't cry" as he gave me a half smile. I think he thought I was joking around with him and then I think he got concerned b/c really I hardly cry in front of the kids. I am not sure why. I think they should know grownups cry but I don't want to burden them with my issues.
I felt better after crying. I even managed to take all three kids not only to Costco but to Babies R Us as well. This is quite a feat as it is a lot of work just getting them in and out of the car. I got home and put them down for rests hoping to exercise and put laundry away (and figure out what to do with my now shrunk shirts). Then I found it. The cat peed and pooped on our bed. If she had claws she would be an outdoor cat. The problem is this is becoming a common occurrence with her. She eats our plants and then usually throws up somewhere. But yesterday I came home from work and she had pooped on some clothes on the floor by the washer (also by her cat box). If she had claws she would become an outdoor cat. But she is getting old and I just can't do that to her. I guess I will just have to invest in more Resolve.
Hopefully I can survive the rest of this day intact.

Getting started, part 1

Honestly, I am not sure at this point whether I will share this site with anyone, maybe my closest friends. I am just trying to make sense of it all. I have a family blog with pictures of the kids but this is for me. As I struggle between working and being home. As I try to answer the question of people why do I work or try to ignore the looks of pity I get when I tell people I am working. This is especially true in the Christian community where there is an upsurge in the number of moms staying home to raise their children. I understand why women stay home full time to be moms. Being a mom is a great and wonderous and challenging job. Some people are great at staying home. They bake and clean and volunteer at their children's schools, they organize playdates and take their kids to libraries and pet shops and toy stores. They should be admired. I, however, am not one of those moms. I love my kids and would do anything for them. I know God put on my heart the desire to be a physical therapist and I know He put on my heart the desire to be a mom. I love working. Getting out there and having conversations apart from mommyhood. But then at the end of the day, I love coming home to be with my kids. I don't feel guilty because I work....until I get those looks. Then I have to reconvince myself that I am doing what I feel God is calling me to do.