Guilt

Do you ever just feel like the worst mother in the world? Right now I am missing sons' first recital of Kindergarten. What in the world would make me miss such a thing you might wonder. Honestly, there is no easy answer. If you read my blog from earlier today you saw my issue with tantrums. Here's the rest of the story. I emailed husband and told him I was not taking son to soccer. After what we went through I didn't have it in me to get him ready for soccer, get the girls loaded up with stuff to keep them occupied, take them all to soccer only to leave early and load them up, change son into appropriate school clothes and cart them off to a spaghetti dinner and recital. Alone. Husband said he would be home at 5:30. Well first of all, soccer starts at 5:30, so him being home at that time wasn't really helpful. And if anyone knows my husband, they know he is often late. There was no guarantee that he would even show up at soccer at all. He called and I explained my day to him. That was at 4:10. Again he said he would be home at 5:30 and we would take the kids to the school together. Son woke up from his nap, seemingly in a better mood. We talked while the girls were taking a bath (b/c I knew it would be too late once we got home). I told him to put some laundry away, well he had to go to the bathroom but didn't want to use mommy's bathroom but didn't want to use the kids' bathroom b/c he wanted privacy and the girls were bathing. So there was the start of it. He finally went and then I told him to get ready for his bath. He got undressed and then complained he had an owie (I won't say where) but he refused to get in the bath. Once again, refusing to obey me. So by this time husband is home (5:41) and I leave disciplining son up to him. He takes son in his room, closes the door and proceeds to talk to him for 10 minutes. I reminded him what time it was (we were supposed to be at school at 6) and the talking continued for at least another 5 minutes. By that time the girls were ready, thanks to me. I was downstairs thinking, I don't want to do this alone. B/c even though husband was home, him staying in son's room talking for 15 minutes while I am trying to get last minute stuff ready to go was basically leaving it for me to do alone. Plus he still had to give son a bath (he desperately needed one). So now it is 6 o'clock and I just didn't have it in me to get everything ready and I am in tears. Husband comes down and tells son to get his shoes on we are going and princess informs him the girls aren't going. He just doesn't get it. Why him taking 25 minutes to deal with son was not helpful to me and then to expect everything else to be ready when he came down. So he tells me to take son and go. Now really, do you think I was in the mood, tear stained face and emotional instability to pack son up and take him to a spaghetti dinner and recital? Would you have been? So now I am sitting here feeling guilty, wondering why I couldn't pull it together and knowing husband thinks I am just upset over son's disobedience.
So tell me. Do your husbands dawdle when it is time to get ready to go somewhere and then expect to be able to just load up the kids in the car and drive off? It's like he doesn't get that there are diaper bags to get ready, snacks to gather, diapers to change, shoes to put on, etc. .. before we can even think about getting in the car.
I could just curl up with a bowl of ice cream and watch a sad movie right about now. Unfortunately, I still have the girls to put to bed.