Words

A few weeks ago, the ladies from my church got together and the pastor's wife did a short little Bible study. It was amazing really. I wish it had been recorded so I could listen to it again. It was just exactly what I needed to hear. The topic was on the words that we speak and how they can affect other people and us in ways we just don't even know.
Proverbs 25:11 "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver".
I am a shy person. In new settings or around people I am just meeting, I am pretty guarded with my words. I think that is actually a good thing. We have all known people who just say whatever comes to their head and sometimes that is okay and sometimes it is not. Words can be so hurtful and sometimes we don't even realize what we are saying or how we are saying something can hit a wrong note.
Matthew 12: 36-37 "But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give acocunt of it in the day of judgement. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." That is Jesus speaking.
However, when I am alone or with my kids/husband, or people I am more comfortable with, I am not so careful with my words. I know I have said things in the past that as soon as they have come out of my mouth, I regret them. I know instantly it was a hurtful thing to say and even if I didn't mean it to come out that way, those words are out there. Hard to take back. I am especially brutal with my kids. There is much less of a filter with them. That was what another mom was saying in the group, that our kids get the brunt of things. You know when you are in a hurry or they are not listening and you are frazzled...man it is so easy to just yell or say something that is not right. I guess I haven't focused to much on it (much to my shame) b/c my kids are little and honestly, they won't remember those harsh words. But, they are coming to an age where they will remember. They will remember having a crazed mommy who actually made them cry b/c of her words (hanging head much farther in shame).
So here is my prayer:
Psalm 19:14 "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer."
Since this study, I have really been trying to not raise my voice to my kids but to approach them calmly and more lovingly. From my previous post, you can see where my desire is anyway. I think that is where the meditation part comes in. If I meditate on God, read His words, pray without ceasing, focus on Him, then hopefully the words that do come out of my mouth will be Him spilling out of me and not my sinful nature showing itself. This will help me be that kind of mom that I so desperately want to be, the wife I want to be and the friend I want to be. This world is so harsh already. I don't need to add to it.

Women of Faith

My parents were not believers when I was very little. My mom became a Christian when I was 8 and then my dad left. And that sort of defines her walk with God. Someone who takes things away. I became a Christian after my dad left. Even though we were in a really good church, a through the Bible church and I went to private Christian schools, I look at that time in my life as missing seeing strong Christian women. There probably were some that I just didn't really see or appreciate or maybe didn't realize I needed that sort of mentor ...until now.
Now, we belong to an amazing fellowship of believers. There are these women who exude God. It's like it is coming out of their pores. Don't get me wrong, I am not putting them up on a pedestal necessarily but I am coveting a relationship with Jesus that I see in these women. Women who read the Bible, memorize it, study it, seek God daily. Women who love their children and who are Godly mothers.
I want to be that kind of mom. I don't want my kids looking at me and seeing my struggles. Not that I want to hide them from them exactly, I just don't want my struggles to be their struggles. I want them to see that when I am having a hard time with something, I seek God. I want them to know that I pray for them daily, that I trust them in God's hands, that He loves them as much as I love them. I want them to feel secure in my love, in God's love, in life.
Unfortunately, as a person, I am a sinner, imperfect and unworthy and sometimes my kids get the full brunt of that. I am so greatful, to see that it is possible. It is possible to be a Godly mother, to raise kids that love God and stay in love with God as they grow older and not stray. That is truly one of my biggest fears, that I will not give my children the strong foundation they need to not stray from God. But now I have hope and pray that I can become one of these women and that there will be a time when I am so full of Christ, He will flow out of me in everything that I do.

It's the little things...

that can make me happy. Like this:

Can you tell what it is? When I saw it, I knew I had to have it! Even though I knew hubby wouldn't appreciate it like me.















Did you guess what it was? Here is another shot. Doesn't it look great with our newly painted bathroom! We got the paint free from Glidden and I picked the color over the internet so wasn't sure I would like it. But it is so bright and cheary!







Here is the other thing I did today. We finally bought curtains for our living room. Honestly, we have lived here 6 years (yikes!) and never bought curtains. We bought the rods last spring and they have just been dying for something to go on them Here are the before and after shots.



















So much better don't ya think? The best part, since we have been using a cash system, we put money into our home budget every month. It isn't the perfect system and we do go over it sometimes but it really keeps me in check especially for groceries and eating out. Once the money is gone it is gone. But to pull out the money for 4 panels of curtains knowing I didn't have to take it out of my account when I didn't really have the extra funds this month. Feels awesome!

Pursuit of Joy

I am still pursuing it. Still asking myself daily, what makes me joyful. Focusing on positive things has made such an impact the past couple of weeks. I definitely still have grumpy, disgruntled, impatient moments don't get me wrong. That is why I am calling this the pursuit of joy. I think it can be attained but is also something that needs to be worked at to be maintained.
This week, when I have asked myself, what makes me joyful? Things like coffee, sunny days, getting off work early, sleeping in...all those things come to mind first. But is that really joy?? I don't think so. Those things are fleating, can disappoint, can change with a bitter coffee or clouds rolling in or the alarm going off. So I decided to look up the definitions:

Happiness:
1. Characterized by good luck; fortunate.
2. Enjoying, showing, or marked by pleasure, satisfaction, or joy.
3. Being especially well-adapted; felicitous: a happy turn of phrase.
4. Cheerful; willing
The thing that strikes me with that is the word luck and fortunate. Again, fleeting worldly kinds of words. But look at joy:
Joy
1. deep happiness and contentment
2. something that brings deep happiness
3. success or satisfaction
4. To take great pleasure; rejoice.
Okay, yes they do use the word happiness (I should probably look it up in a concordance) Anyway, it still strikes me as different. The 2 words they use that I like: contentment and rejoice
I love the word contentment. In this day and age, we are so bombarded everywhere we go with things to show we shouldn't be content. We should get a bigger house, a showier car, new wardrobes, a fancy phone, fast speed internet....The list goes on and on. How are we, as Christians supposed to respond to this? We can't take our stuff with us. So does that mean we should just go ahead and spend all our money and enjoy it while here? This is something I have struggled with as my husband and I work hard and don't go crazy buying things, we have a small house, buy used cars...yet I look at friends who have one income and yet have big houses, fancy clothes. Jealosy definitey doesn't breed joy and that is what I am after. Contentment. I think God requires of us to be good stewards of what He had given us. I think with contentment in where we are at, comes joy.
Things I have come up with that I believe make me joyful:
- my kids-there is nothing so sweet as a big hug and an I love you from an offspring
- my kids talking about God, asking questions about God, singing about God, makes me feel maybe I am doing something right as a mom and a Christian
- my marriage - yes it has ups and downs that may affect my happiness in my marriage, but deep down, I have an amazing husband whom I love with all my heart and am filled with joy by his love for me. It is a gift I cherish
- my work - sometimes demanding, sometimes boring, again it has its ups and downs but it gives me joy to make people feel better. God gave me this desire to be a PT 20 years ago, He helped me stick with it, gave me a supportive husband, got me into PT school. It is a gift from God to go to work and enjoy what you do.
- my friends - I am blessed to have amazing friends. Some I get to see regularly, some not very often, one in heaven already. They have stuck by me, cried with me, laughed with me, helped me through good times and bad, put up with me and most importantly prayed for and with me.
These things bring me joy. They make life special, bring me deep happiness and contentment.

Coupon Mania

No I don't have it. But it is all over the web. Blogs are written about coupon deals and how best to use coupons and special store savings. I like coupons. I do. But honestly, I don't have the time or the energy that some of these women put into couponing. It's exhausting just reading about it. That being said, I like a good deal. When I get those $10 off at Penny's if you spend $10, I always use them. If not, it is like throwing ten bucks away. Even if all I buy is socks, I make sure it doesn't go to waste. I also clip coupons from the sunday paper and make the most of those as I can. I shop at Winco which saves me money. I try to keep our grocery budget in check is what I am saying.
That being said, I have a friend who has gone over to the dark side of couponing. The ones who go back multiple times to the same store to stock up on 20 boxes of cereal. I will admit, it is intriguing. So I went b/c there were some deals that I couldn't pass up. You can see what I got in the above picture. I spent $16.03. Is that good? I think so. Here is how it adds up. The cereals were 4 for $6 plus I had coupons for 2 of the boxes for an additional $1.30 off. The Gogurts were on sale for 2 for $4 and I had an additional .80 cents off. The Prego was $1.67 each (which is better than I can get it at Winco, wish I had gotten more) and the cleaning supplies were buy one get one free so saved $4.29 there.
There are a couple of issues I have with couponing mania:
One, the idea of it is to stock up when things are on sale and I just don't have the pantry for 20 boxes of cereal.
Two, usually things that are crazy on sale like the above cereal are things that I wouldn't normall buy. Honestly, 3 boxes of sugar cereal?? I love sugar cereal but I try not to buy it that often. The sale did have stuff like granola bars in it but that brings me to:
Three, I often can't buy the stuff on sale b/c of sons peanut allergy.
This is why I wouldn't go back and go crazy stocking up. But I will try to watch some of these sales closer (or watch my friends blogs to make it even less work for me) to try to trim my grocery budget. Oh I almost forgot to mention with the cereal deal came a coupon for a free box of Capri Sun which I also don't normally buy but it is my turn to take soccer treats in a few weeks so hey, why not.

Thursday thoughts on my faith - Choosing Joy

Wow! It has been a long time. One long summer. Now I get it when parents say they are ready for school. I am hoping to get some semblance of order in my life now that I have 2 in school.
September is a hard month. It always hits me and I always dread it. I talk about it, I cry. I probably drive my husband crazy with my sadness. But I can't help it. When you lose a best friend tragically at a young age, it sticks with you. And I am not going to apologize for it. I am going to embrace it. "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". Right. That can apply to friendship as well.
I picked up a book this week that Glo had recommended to me the summer before our senior year at Fox. "You Gotta Keep Dancin". Such a great book. I might write more on it later. But basically it says that joy is a choice. Happiness is circumstantial but joy is a choice. That is going to be my theme this school year. I am really going to work on choosing joy.
Choosing joy for me also means embracing emotions. Children show all of their emotions. Every thought, sadness, happiness, fear...everything comes out in some way or another. But as we get older, we train ourselves to conceal all of it. To show strength and stability. Who needs a professional person bursting into tears, or someone standing at the checkout line burst into song or laugh hysterically b/c something funny popped into your head. Obviously there is a time and place for emotions but I feel I have trained myself just a little too much and by doing so have taken the feelings out of everything and it sort of paralyzes me. So I am prayerfully asking for Gods help, to change my heart. Help me live, love, be the person He wants me to be and most of all...choose joy. I can be joyful in my sorrow and pain. Because without one, we wouldn't be able to appreciate the other. Some day in Heaven there will only be joy. And I look forward to that day. I look forward to seeing Glo again. But for now, here on earth, I need to start practicing.

My heart hurts a little...

Tonight Bud threw one of his major tantrums. He absolutely refused to obey me to pick up his toys and get ready for dinner. So I told him, if he didn't, then he would lose them. As I was following through on that, he got out of control. I video taped him which he absolutely didn't like but at least it got him to run to his room where he proceeded to scream and cry. I went in when he had calmed down to talk it out but he didn't want to talk so he stayed there until daddy got home. Once husband finally got him calmed down, he sent me in to talk to him. I asked him what he was supposed to say and he said "I hate to say that word". What word?? "Sorry". I asked is that b/c you weren't sorry for disobeying me? "Yes".
Tear in my heart right there. What do you do when your child is so unrepentant? I prayed with him and that was all I could do. His dad talked to him after he ate and he eventually did say he was sorry and said he meant it. His dad said he thought Bud regretted saying it in the first place. But my heart still hurts. It hurts that he has these thoughts at such a young age. I told him how important forgiveness was, that Jesus sacrificed himself for us but it is all wasted if we don't repent. I don't know if he understood. I hope it was a life lesson for him. It was for me. How desperately we need to pray without ceasing for our children.