Pursuit of Joy

I am still pursuing it. Still asking myself daily, what makes me joyful. Focusing on positive things has made such an impact the past couple of weeks. I definitely still have grumpy, disgruntled, impatient moments don't get me wrong. That is why I am calling this the pursuit of joy. I think it can be attained but is also something that needs to be worked at to be maintained.
This week, when I have asked myself, what makes me joyful? Things like coffee, sunny days, getting off work early, sleeping in...all those things come to mind first. But is that really joy?? I don't think so. Those things are fleating, can disappoint, can change with a bitter coffee or clouds rolling in or the alarm going off. So I decided to look up the definitions:

Happiness:
1. Characterized by good luck; fortunate.
2. Enjoying, showing, or marked by pleasure, satisfaction, or joy.
3. Being especially well-adapted; felicitous: a happy turn of phrase.
4. Cheerful; willing
The thing that strikes me with that is the word luck and fortunate. Again, fleeting worldly kinds of words. But look at joy:
Joy
1. deep happiness and contentment
2. something that brings deep happiness
3. success or satisfaction
4. To take great pleasure; rejoice.
Okay, yes they do use the word happiness (I should probably look it up in a concordance) Anyway, it still strikes me as different. The 2 words they use that I like: contentment and rejoice
I love the word contentment. In this day and age, we are so bombarded everywhere we go with things to show we shouldn't be content. We should get a bigger house, a showier car, new wardrobes, a fancy phone, fast speed internet....The list goes on and on. How are we, as Christians supposed to respond to this? We can't take our stuff with us. So does that mean we should just go ahead and spend all our money and enjoy it while here? This is something I have struggled with as my husband and I work hard and don't go crazy buying things, we have a small house, buy used cars...yet I look at friends who have one income and yet have big houses, fancy clothes. Jealosy definitey doesn't breed joy and that is what I am after. Contentment. I think God requires of us to be good stewards of what He had given us. I think with contentment in where we are at, comes joy.
Things I have come up with that I believe make me joyful:
- my kids-there is nothing so sweet as a big hug and an I love you from an offspring
- my kids talking about God, asking questions about God, singing about God, makes me feel maybe I am doing something right as a mom and a Christian
- my marriage - yes it has ups and downs that may affect my happiness in my marriage, but deep down, I have an amazing husband whom I love with all my heart and am filled with joy by his love for me. It is a gift I cherish
- my work - sometimes demanding, sometimes boring, again it has its ups and downs but it gives me joy to make people feel better. God gave me this desire to be a PT 20 years ago, He helped me stick with it, gave me a supportive husband, got me into PT school. It is a gift from God to go to work and enjoy what you do.
- my friends - I am blessed to have amazing friends. Some I get to see regularly, some not very often, one in heaven already. They have stuck by me, cried with me, laughed with me, helped me through good times and bad, put up with me and most importantly prayed for and with me.
These things bring me joy. They make life special, bring me deep happiness and contentment.

Coupon Mania

No I don't have it. But it is all over the web. Blogs are written about coupon deals and how best to use coupons and special store savings. I like coupons. I do. But honestly, I don't have the time or the energy that some of these women put into couponing. It's exhausting just reading about it. That being said, I like a good deal. When I get those $10 off at Penny's if you spend $10, I always use them. If not, it is like throwing ten bucks away. Even if all I buy is socks, I make sure it doesn't go to waste. I also clip coupons from the sunday paper and make the most of those as I can. I shop at Winco which saves me money. I try to keep our grocery budget in check is what I am saying.
That being said, I have a friend who has gone over to the dark side of couponing. The ones who go back multiple times to the same store to stock up on 20 boxes of cereal. I will admit, it is intriguing. So I went b/c there were some deals that I couldn't pass up. You can see what I got in the above picture. I spent $16.03. Is that good? I think so. Here is how it adds up. The cereals were 4 for $6 plus I had coupons for 2 of the boxes for an additional $1.30 off. The Gogurts were on sale for 2 for $4 and I had an additional .80 cents off. The Prego was $1.67 each (which is better than I can get it at Winco, wish I had gotten more) and the cleaning supplies were buy one get one free so saved $4.29 there.
There are a couple of issues I have with couponing mania:
One, the idea of it is to stock up when things are on sale and I just don't have the pantry for 20 boxes of cereal.
Two, usually things that are crazy on sale like the above cereal are things that I wouldn't normall buy. Honestly, 3 boxes of sugar cereal?? I love sugar cereal but I try not to buy it that often. The sale did have stuff like granola bars in it but that brings me to:
Three, I often can't buy the stuff on sale b/c of sons peanut allergy.
This is why I wouldn't go back and go crazy stocking up. But I will try to watch some of these sales closer (or watch my friends blogs to make it even less work for me) to try to trim my grocery budget. Oh I almost forgot to mention with the cereal deal came a coupon for a free box of Capri Sun which I also don't normally buy but it is my turn to take soccer treats in a few weeks so hey, why not.

Thursday thoughts on my faith - Choosing Joy

Wow! It has been a long time. One long summer. Now I get it when parents say they are ready for school. I am hoping to get some semblance of order in my life now that I have 2 in school.
September is a hard month. It always hits me and I always dread it. I talk about it, I cry. I probably drive my husband crazy with my sadness. But I can't help it. When you lose a best friend tragically at a young age, it sticks with you. And I am not going to apologize for it. I am going to embrace it. "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". Right. That can apply to friendship as well.
I picked up a book this week that Glo had recommended to me the summer before our senior year at Fox. "You Gotta Keep Dancin". Such a great book. I might write more on it later. But basically it says that joy is a choice. Happiness is circumstantial but joy is a choice. That is going to be my theme this school year. I am really going to work on choosing joy.
Choosing joy for me also means embracing emotions. Children show all of their emotions. Every thought, sadness, happiness, fear...everything comes out in some way or another. But as we get older, we train ourselves to conceal all of it. To show strength and stability. Who needs a professional person bursting into tears, or someone standing at the checkout line burst into song or laugh hysterically b/c something funny popped into your head. Obviously there is a time and place for emotions but I feel I have trained myself just a little too much and by doing so have taken the feelings out of everything and it sort of paralyzes me. So I am prayerfully asking for Gods help, to change my heart. Help me live, love, be the person He wants me to be and most of all...choose joy. I can be joyful in my sorrow and pain. Because without one, we wouldn't be able to appreciate the other. Some day in Heaven there will only be joy. And I look forward to that day. I look forward to seeing Glo again. But for now, here on earth, I need to start practicing.

My heart hurts a little...

Tonight Bud threw one of his major tantrums. He absolutely refused to obey me to pick up his toys and get ready for dinner. So I told him, if he didn't, then he would lose them. As I was following through on that, he got out of control. I video taped him which he absolutely didn't like but at least it got him to run to his room where he proceeded to scream and cry. I went in when he had calmed down to talk it out but he didn't want to talk so he stayed there until daddy got home. Once husband finally got him calmed down, he sent me in to talk to him. I asked him what he was supposed to say and he said "I hate to say that word". What word?? "Sorry". I asked is that b/c you weren't sorry for disobeying me? "Yes".
Tear in my heart right there. What do you do when your child is so unrepentant? I prayed with him and that was all I could do. His dad talked to him after he ate and he eventually did say he was sorry and said he meant it. His dad said he thought Bud regretted saying it in the first place. But my heart still hurts. It hurts that he has these thoughts at such a young age. I told him how important forgiveness was, that Jesus sacrificed himself for us but it is all wasted if we don't repent. I don't know if he understood. I hope it was a life lesson for him. It was for me. How desperately we need to pray without ceasing for our children.

Tip of the Week

My tip of the week is if you are baking and run out of brown sugar. This happened to me yesterday and I remembered reading somewhere about making your own brown sugar. It is super easy. Take 1 cup regular sugar and 1-2 Tablespoons molasses and mix them well together with a fork or mixer. If you want lighter brown sugar use 1 Tablespoon or 2 if you want it darker. I did this and my blackberry crisp turned out awesome.
If you don't have molasses in the house, you should b/c it comes in handy with making baked beans.
Hmm...I think I am getting hungry.

Thursday thoughts on my faith

Wake up Call:
I have to say, this has been a really difficult couple of weeks for me. Since Bud got out of school, he has been obnoxious. I am beside myself with the chasing the girls, the girls screaming, Sweet Pea being needy and wanting to be held constantly, everyone fighting, etc...
I always have these goals for myself, pick up the house, do dishes, plan meals, pay bills, play with the kids, go to the library, read my Bible, memorize my verse, the list is neverending. As a mom, you know. It is tough. You go to clean up one mess and then someone pees on the floor. Sometimes I think I can't do it. It is too overwhelming. That is when I make my lists. My to do lists and they always start with read the Word. Read the Word. I really do want to do it. I think every day, have I read the Bible today, have I spent time in prayer today? And then...I don't do it. Praying is easier b/c I can do it anywhere. But reading the Bible is something I desire to do, yet my flesh messes it up everytime.
That's when it hit me. My flesh, my list, my goals. No wonder I have been failing miserably at everything lately. I am trying to do it all on my own and it isn't working. I will not accomplish my goals until I lean on God and try to discover His goals for me. His goals, His goals. Not mine. Mine are petty. His are worthy. I am not going to accomplish anything without His help. And I don't want to. Life is so much easier if we follow His plan and not our own.
Today, as a friend is in the process of a miscarriage and another friends father had a heart attack, I am realizing not only how fragile life is but that even though I feel I am failing, that even though my kids drive me crazy, even though I feel overwhelmed...I am so lucky to have all of it. I really need to start my day with being grateful for everything God has given me.
I have no goals this week, no challenges. Just me, trying to listen to God and praying for His work in my life to come to fruition, not my own selfish desires. And for my friends who are struggling with bigger things right now, not just the ones listed but all my friends, I pray that God pours His love on you this week.

Challenge + tip of the week

It has been one of those blogging days. I know, sorry. But I have 2 more and I will combine them.
The first is a challenge I am putting forth to myself because I really feel I need some accountability. I have a prayer partner and that has been amazing to know that every week, we check in and see what each other needs prayerwise. So now I need some accountability for digging into God's word. I know I should do, I plan to do it, and then at the end of the day, I have not taken the time. I know when I start my day in His word, I have a better day. It is such a good start. And I want my kids to see me doing this. It is so important in our lives. So here is my challenge for myself this week: to read the Bible every day. It doesn't matter if it is a short devotional, getting ready for my Bible study, or my through the Bible plan. I just want to read something.
Maybe as I get this down, I will add more to it. Baby steps here which is why I am doing the challenge for one week only. We will see what next week brings.
Tip of the week: as I was taking my shower today, I noticed how dirty it was. I mean pink stuff growing in the corners dirty. Gross. I hate cleaning the shower. It is so hard to reach everything and I always end up wet. Something I started a couple of years ago and sporadically stick with is, keeping an old body scrub sponge thing in the shower with a bottle of off brand baby shampoo. When I am taking a shower, I simply use that to sponge everything down. It doesn't to deep deep cleaning but it keeps it basically clean and if I started off with a super clean shower it would make do for quite a while. Because you are using baby shampoo, you don't feel gross using it while you are in there and getting it on you. It took me literally 3 minutes to do this and now I don't have to be grossed out in the morning when I get in the shower. Happy showering!