Half Empty Kind of Day

Do you ever have one of those days where you just feel like you are a bullseye for bad things to happen to you? I woke up in a fairly good mood this morning despite having a lousy night's sleep. And I was looking forward to having a relaxing day since we were gone all weekend (more on that later) and the fact that today is my 13 year anniversary. Then I found the shirts. The ones I just bought and Adam very nicely washed and very unfortunately put in the dryer. 1 out of the 3 now fit. First, I struggle buying clothes for myself right now b/c I feel the money could be spent elsewhere (bills) and b/c I am still trying to lose those last 5 pounds of baby weight and feel nothing looks good on me. So when I do find something I like at a decent price, I hope they last for a very long time. Needless to say I was upset. But more than that, I had a major meltdown. Just one of those I really need to cry and let a lot of stuff out kind of things. Son kept telling me, "grownups don't cry" as he gave me a half smile. I think he thought I was joking around with him and then I think he got concerned b/c really I hardly cry in front of the kids. I am not sure why. I think they should know grownups cry but I don't want to burden them with my issues.
I felt better after crying. I even managed to take all three kids not only to Costco but to Babies R Us as well. This is quite a feat as it is a lot of work just getting them in and out of the car. I got home and put them down for rests hoping to exercise and put laundry away (and figure out what to do with my now shrunk shirts). Then I found it. The cat peed and pooped on our bed. If she had claws she would be an outdoor cat. The problem is this is becoming a common occurrence with her. She eats our plants and then usually throws up somewhere. But yesterday I came home from work and she had pooped on some clothes on the floor by the washer (also by her cat box). If she had claws she would become an outdoor cat. But she is getting old and I just can't do that to her. I guess I will just have to invest in more Resolve.
Hopefully I can survive the rest of this day intact.

Getting started, part 1

Honestly, I am not sure at this point whether I will share this site with anyone, maybe my closest friends. I am just trying to make sense of it all. I have a family blog with pictures of the kids but this is for me. As I struggle between working and being home. As I try to answer the question of people why do I work or try to ignore the looks of pity I get when I tell people I am working. This is especially true in the Christian community where there is an upsurge in the number of moms staying home to raise their children. I understand why women stay home full time to be moms. Being a mom is a great and wonderous and challenging job. Some people are great at staying home. They bake and clean and volunteer at their children's schools, they organize playdates and take their kids to libraries and pet shops and toy stores. They should be admired. I, however, am not one of those moms. I love my kids and would do anything for them. I know God put on my heart the desire to be a physical therapist and I know He put on my heart the desire to be a mom. I love working. Getting out there and having conversations apart from mommyhood. But then at the end of the day, I love coming home to be with my kids. I don't feel guilty because I work....until I get those looks. Then I have to reconvince myself that I am doing what I feel God is calling me to do.