Wow, I cannot believe it is June. It sure doesn't feel like June. It feels like February. Really. It was 56 degrees today. I had my heat on. Brr.
May flew by and I enjoyed it. I really did. It was a carefree sort of month in a lot of ways. My house is a mess to prove it but that is okay. Sometimes you just need downtime. I even read a couple of books. Yep. 2 days this month I read. 2 books. You can probably figure out that nothing else got done that day but reading. Oh well, reading makes me happy and relaxed.
I am rambling I know. So it is June and back to my goals. I skipped May and that was nice. But I need to get back on track. Summer can be lots of fun but also stressful with 3 kids at home whining that they are bored. Yes, my kids have now picked up on that lovely word. I have a plan though for that. I am going to make a list of things they can do when they are "bored" and I hope it puts an end to that word fairly quickly. I am sure there will be more fun things they can figure out to do than pick up dog poop for instance.
But my goal for June is to declutter. Oh how I need to declutter. I have too much stuff everywhere. In my closet, in the kids' rooms, it's even staring at me on my desk as I type this. Too much stuff!
And I want to have a garage sale so what better time to declutter than right before a garage sale.
That's it, that's my goal. Something simple and hopefully doable.
That might mean no more reading for me for a couple of weeks though:-)
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
16 years
When I was a sophomore in college, I was struggling with a lot of things one of which was being single. I had no idea what I wanted in a man or how to get it or the patience to wait for God to show me. I just knew I was alone and had a poor relationship with my father and no hope that I would ever be in a place mentally where anyone would want me.
On a particularly bad day, I sat in my room and cried. It was a rainy icky day. My roommate was gone and I had a rare moment of quiet time to just sit there and let it all out. Because sometimes, as women, we just really need that.
Then a rainbow appeared outside my window. I love rainbows. They always seem so full of hope. Then I felt God's hand just filling my heart with peace. Filling my heart with the promise of someone who would love me, faults and all. In fact, He promised that this man was at George Fox and that He was shaping and molding him while doing the same to me. We weren't ready for each other yet. And I felt calm. And I wrote a list. A list of all the attributes I wanted in the man I would spend my life with.
When God brought Adam back into my life my senior year and we started dating, I looked at the list and he fit every single thing on there. Every one. I didn't have to take any of the attributes and try to make him fit into it, because he already did. And I knew he was the love of my life.
Today we have been married for 16 years. Sometimes I feel I know less about marriage today than I did back then. We have been in a holding pattern for the past few years. By that, I mean no major life changes has happened recently. And that is weird. For the first 12 years we were either moving, changing jobs, moving, getting into graduate school, moving, graduating, moving, finding jobs, moving, having kids, buying a house and moving, having more kids. I almost don't know what to do not having some major life changing thing. And I totally realize that by saying that, I am dooming myself to some big change coming up. I am not complaining about there being no big things, it is nice to just live life. And believe me, I keep busy. I am not inviting God to shake things up in my life. Really, I am not.
What I am realizing is, we are in the down and dirty part of our marriage. The part where we can't blame things on being up all night from studying or taking care of baby or the stress of a new job or moving. We are living in the here and now. And in the here and now, I have not been the best wife. He often gets the end of me. The end of the day. The end of my energy. The end of my patience. When the kids have been tugging on me all day or I have had to deal with people in pain all day, or I have worked all day trying to get caught up on my normal household duties, or the dog has driven me crazy with her herding obsession, my husband comes home and I honestly have nothing left for him. And that really isn't fair.
My husband is truly amazing and I am so grateful for him everyday. Looking forward to our next 16+ years together!
On a particularly bad day, I sat in my room and cried. It was a rainy icky day. My roommate was gone and I had a rare moment of quiet time to just sit there and let it all out. Because sometimes, as women, we just really need that.
Then a rainbow appeared outside my window. I love rainbows. They always seem so full of hope. Then I felt God's hand just filling my heart with peace. Filling my heart with the promise of someone who would love me, faults and all. In fact, He promised that this man was at George Fox and that He was shaping and molding him while doing the same to me. We weren't ready for each other yet. And I felt calm. And I wrote a list. A list of all the attributes I wanted in the man I would spend my life with.
When God brought Adam back into my life my senior year and we started dating, I looked at the list and he fit every single thing on there. Every one. I didn't have to take any of the attributes and try to make him fit into it, because he already did. And I knew he was the love of my life.
Today we have been married for 16 years. Sometimes I feel I know less about marriage today than I did back then. We have been in a holding pattern for the past few years. By that, I mean no major life changes has happened recently. And that is weird. For the first 12 years we were either moving, changing jobs, moving, getting into graduate school, moving, graduating, moving, finding jobs, moving, having kids, buying a house and moving, having more kids. I almost don't know what to do not having some major life changing thing. And I totally realize that by saying that, I am dooming myself to some big change coming up. I am not complaining about there being no big things, it is nice to just live life. And believe me, I keep busy. I am not inviting God to shake things up in my life. Really, I am not.
What I am realizing is, we are in the down and dirty part of our marriage. The part where we can't blame things on being up all night from studying or taking care of baby or the stress of a new job or moving. We are living in the here and now. And in the here and now, I have not been the best wife. He often gets the end of me. The end of the day. The end of my energy. The end of my patience. When the kids have been tugging on me all day or I have had to deal with people in pain all day, or I have worked all day trying to get caught up on my normal household duties, or the dog has driven me crazy with her herding obsession, my husband comes home and I honestly have nothing left for him. And that really isn't fair.
My husband is truly amazing and I am so grateful for him everyday. Looking forward to our next 16+ years together!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Fallen off the bandwagon -Update
I have been not keeping up with my prayer life the way I feel God has called me. I was reminded of that this week as you saw in my earlier post and am reminded of it today when I see a friends' call to prayer for her mom who has breast cancer. You can read about Heidi's mom and see what things she needs prayer for. I know she would appreciate it. And pray for Heidi as she is a long day's drive from her mom and is struggling with not being with her.
And if anyone has any other prayer requests, I promise to lift you up this week. Please just post them in the comments.
I am updating this as my friend Marta is requesting prayer for her younger sister who also has breast cancer and was told her cancer is terminal. Amy is married and has a young son Ian. I know this family would appreciate all prayers over the next couple of weeks and my heart goes out to this young family. Sometimes life is so harsh but we are so lucky to have a God who is not.
And if anyone has any other prayer requests, I promise to lift you up this week. Please just post them in the comments.
I am updating this as my friend Marta is requesting prayer for her younger sister who also has breast cancer and was told her cancer is terminal. Amy is married and has a young son Ian. I know this family would appreciate all prayers over the next couple of weeks and my heart goes out to this young family. Sometimes life is so harsh but we are so lucky to have a God who is not.
Forgiveness
My husband and I fought last night. It was a big one. And I just hate those because when I am in the middle of it, I usually have no idea how it is going to get resolved. I know I say things I shouldn't and overreact to things he says. Last night was not any different. When I am in that place, I really just want to walk away from the fight and forget it happened. That isn't really practical and unresolved feelings would just rear their ugly heads eventually.
But sometimes, you do need a break from the argument. And last night in that break I was thinking about what kind of wife I am. Am I the kind of wife I should be? The kind of wife God calls me to be. And so I went to look at the chapter on this. You probably know the one. Proverbs 31. I hear it all the time and there are websites and talk shows on it. To be honest, I have never really studied it. And last night when I went to look at it, I had in my head Psalms 31 which I realized quite quickly wasn't the right reference but couldn't for the life of me remember what the correct one was. And it didn't matter at that point, because what I really needed to read at that moment was Psalm 31 and as I read it I realized that God put that on my heart to read.
What I read was "For you are my rock and my fortress; therefore, for Your name's sake, lead me and guide me." Ps 31:3 I was definitely needing some guidance.
Then the heading to Psalm 32 caught my attention "The Joy of Forgiveness". And the first verse is "Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit."
Forgiveness. Such a hard thing. So amazing that our God so easily forgives us for everything we do and yet it is so hard to follow His example. Whether actively forgiving someone or asking them for forgiveness, it took me a long time to realize that often it is a choice we have to make before the actual act. It is against our sinful nature. When someone has wronged us, we want justice. That's what our heart tells us. But God calls us to forgive. He calls us to forgive 7 times 70. My head knows that but my heart aches with not wanting to give in to it. I want the offending party to ask for it. I want them to say "I am sorry" first. I don't want to be the one to give in and say it. But when I feel called to forgive and I make the head decision to do it, my heart always follows.
Then as I read the footnotes, it said "no matter who else is hurt, the principal offense of any sin is always against the Lord."
That really spoke to me. When I am hurting my husband I am sinning against God. For some reason it is easier for me to ask forgiveness of God. Maybe because I know that He is perfect and He has never wronged me. He is always right, I am always the wrong one.
Here's the thing, when you ask God to forgive you first, He changes your heart. I don't have to work so hard at asking my husband to forgive me or to even forgive him before he asks for it, God does that in me. And He did it in me. And it was then that we were able to resolve our argument.
And I really hope this is a lesson I remember for next time. One I should already know. One I have been trying to practice more of. Pray. Pray. Pray. In every situation. Pray.
But sometimes, you do need a break from the argument. And last night in that break I was thinking about what kind of wife I am. Am I the kind of wife I should be? The kind of wife God calls me to be. And so I went to look at the chapter on this. You probably know the one. Proverbs 31. I hear it all the time and there are websites and talk shows on it. To be honest, I have never really studied it. And last night when I went to look at it, I had in my head Psalms 31 which I realized quite quickly wasn't the right reference but couldn't for the life of me remember what the correct one was. And it didn't matter at that point, because what I really needed to read at that moment was Psalm 31 and as I read it I realized that God put that on my heart to read.
What I read was "For you are my rock and my fortress; therefore, for Your name's sake, lead me and guide me." Ps 31:3 I was definitely needing some guidance.
Then the heading to Psalm 32 caught my attention "The Joy of Forgiveness". And the first verse is "Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit."
Forgiveness. Such a hard thing. So amazing that our God so easily forgives us for everything we do and yet it is so hard to follow His example. Whether actively forgiving someone or asking them for forgiveness, it took me a long time to realize that often it is a choice we have to make before the actual act. It is against our sinful nature. When someone has wronged us, we want justice. That's what our heart tells us. But God calls us to forgive. He calls us to forgive 7 times 70. My head knows that but my heart aches with not wanting to give in to it. I want the offending party to ask for it. I want them to say "I am sorry" first. I don't want to be the one to give in and say it. But when I feel called to forgive and I make the head decision to do it, my heart always follows.
Then as I read the footnotes, it said "no matter who else is hurt, the principal offense of any sin is always against the Lord."
That really spoke to me. When I am hurting my husband I am sinning against God. For some reason it is easier for me to ask forgiveness of God. Maybe because I know that He is perfect and He has never wronged me. He is always right, I am always the wrong one.
Here's the thing, when you ask God to forgive you first, He changes your heart. I don't have to work so hard at asking my husband to forgive me or to even forgive him before he asks for it, God does that in me. And He did it in me. And it was then that we were able to resolve our argument.
And I really hope this is a lesson I remember for next time. One I should already know. One I have been trying to practice more of. Pray. Pray. Pray. In every situation. Pray.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Will you remember this day?
I heard several times on the news this morning how people would remember this day, they would remember what they were doing when they heard the news that Osama Bin Laden was killed. And I wondered if I would really.
I remember the moment I watched the planes fly into the Twin Towers. I remember the relief I felt at the realization that my brother was on vacation and indeed not on his way to work at the World Trade Center that day. I remember going to New York in November and seeing the wreckage. I remember the acrid smell of burnt metal that still was so very strong even 2 months later.
Those memories are burnt into my brain. But the killing of the man who instigated it? I am not sure it will be burned quite as clearly. I am sure I will remember the relief I felt. Because my human nature feels relief at the death of this man. Even more so, I will remember people celebrating his death and feeling sad about that.
Yep, you heard me. I feel sad that people are so rejoicing the death of this horrible man. I feel sad because he was a sinner who died not knowing the truth. Who died without accepting the sacrifice Jesus made for him.
A sinner. Like me. The only difference is I have asked for forgiveness and Jesus' blood has washed me clean.
This is my favorite quote that I saw on facebook about the subject:
"I'm just glad Jesus stepped in the way of the Navy Seal Team that justly stood outside my compound of evil."
I think what I will remember most about this day is gratefulness. Grateful that God is better than us. That He is indeed not human. That He would never rejoice in our death, especially of an unforgiven life. That He fights for us, to bring us home. That above all else, He loves us. No matter what. Even with our sinful nature. He loves us.
I remember the moment I watched the planes fly into the Twin Towers. I remember the relief I felt at the realization that my brother was on vacation and indeed not on his way to work at the World Trade Center that day. I remember going to New York in November and seeing the wreckage. I remember the acrid smell of burnt metal that still was so very strong even 2 months later.
Those memories are burnt into my brain. But the killing of the man who instigated it? I am not sure it will be burned quite as clearly. I am sure I will remember the relief I felt. Because my human nature feels relief at the death of this man. Even more so, I will remember people celebrating his death and feeling sad about that.
Yep, you heard me. I feel sad that people are so rejoicing the death of this horrible man. I feel sad because he was a sinner who died not knowing the truth. Who died without accepting the sacrifice Jesus made for him.
A sinner. Like me. The only difference is I have asked for forgiveness and Jesus' blood has washed me clean.
This is my favorite quote that I saw on facebook about the subject:
"I'm just glad Jesus stepped in the way of the Navy Seal Team that justly stood outside my compound of evil."
I think what I will remember most about this day is gratefulness. Grateful that God is better than us. That He is indeed not human. That He would never rejoice in our death, especially of an unforgiven life. That He fights for us, to bring us home. That above all else, He loves us. No matter what. Even with our sinful nature. He loves us.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
What happened to April?
I had such big plans. Plans of cleaning and organizing and making my house look and feel decluttered. I think I got exactly 4 kitchen cupboards reorganized and cleaned, the fridge (not sure when the smoothie was spilled in it but I had been ignoring it for awhile) and the laundry room. That's it. That's all I accomplished with my spring cleaning goal.
Here is what I did instead:
Comforted my son when he got the stomach bug, took time off work to take him to the doctor b/c of a persistant stomachache for several months. Tried to catch up on sleep when he was better.
Comforted my daughter 4 days later when she got the same stomach bug except worse and she wasn't able to make it to the bathroom the first time. Did laundry, did more laundry. Cleaned carpets with Resolve in the wee hours of the night. Woke up every hour to hold bucket for her. Shampooed same carpets b/c Resolve was not enough. Oh and learned that after you wash vomit soaked blankets, you should clean your washer. Really you should. Before doing any more regular laundry. Please do this, it will save you a lot of grief and a very high water bill.*
Cleaned house for son's birthday party/sleepover. Make birthday cake. Freak out when my husband calls me day of party to say he is heading home from work sick. Entertained 7 eight year old boys, fed family, check on husband, presents/cake - try to take pictures and video for my sequestered husband, get 6 boys to bed, check in husband, debate whether sleeping in the same bed with him is a good idea (turns out it wasn't) but the couch doesn't sound too thrilling. Boys wake up at 6, make breakfast, entertain boys. Take nap after everyone finally leaves. Have Easter Egg hunt with friends the next day.
Recuperate from party and sickness. Come down with sickness myself 4 days later.
Celebrate Easter.
Now we are at the last week and honestly, all I can do is catch up and try to get back into my regular routine. Got my house cleaned this morning. Got to exercise. Am feeling pretty good. But my house is not spring cleaned and it isn't going to be for now. I just have to let that goal go.
And that's okay. It's good to be flexible and it's good to not beat yourself up when your plans don't work the way you think they should. Sometimes life gets in the way.
And honestly, the day after I came down with the bug, I still was feeling lousy and I rested all day. Guilt free. I took a nap, read a book, watched tv in the middle of the day. Guilt free. Did I mention it was guilt free? Because it is really hard as a mom to stop sometimes. There is always something that needs to be done. Always a meal to be cooked and a bathroom to be cleaned and laundry to fold. Always. Sometimes we need to let it all go and just have a day for ourselves.
*cleaning your washer: Fill tub with water on hottest setting, pour some vinegar in. I eyeballed it but probably a couple of cups. I also poured in baking soda, probably half a small box. Let agitate then sit for an hour. Finish wash cycle. If yours is really bad (and mine was!) do the same process again but with bleach instead of vinegar.
My clothes had honsestly not been feeling like they were getting clean for awhile and this has definitely helped wtih that. I am going to be doing this on a more regular basis for sure. And I finally convinced my hubby that vinegar really does make things smell better!
Here is what I did instead:
Comforted my son when he got the stomach bug, took time off work to take him to the doctor b/c of a persistant stomachache for several months. Tried to catch up on sleep when he was better.
Comforted my daughter 4 days later when she got the same stomach bug except worse and she wasn't able to make it to the bathroom the first time. Did laundry, did more laundry. Cleaned carpets with Resolve in the wee hours of the night. Woke up every hour to hold bucket for her. Shampooed same carpets b/c Resolve was not enough. Oh and learned that after you wash vomit soaked blankets, you should clean your washer. Really you should. Before doing any more regular laundry. Please do this, it will save you a lot of grief and a very high water bill.*
Cleaned house for son's birthday party/sleepover. Make birthday cake. Freak out when my husband calls me day of party to say he is heading home from work sick. Entertained 7 eight year old boys, fed family, check on husband, presents/cake - try to take pictures and video for my sequestered husband, get 6 boys to bed, check in husband, debate whether sleeping in the same bed with him is a good idea (turns out it wasn't) but the couch doesn't sound too thrilling. Boys wake up at 6, make breakfast, entertain boys. Take nap after everyone finally leaves. Have Easter Egg hunt with friends the next day.
Recuperate from party and sickness. Come down with sickness myself 4 days later.
Celebrate Easter.
Now we are at the last week and honestly, all I can do is catch up and try to get back into my regular routine. Got my house cleaned this morning. Got to exercise. Am feeling pretty good. But my house is not spring cleaned and it isn't going to be for now. I just have to let that goal go.
And that's okay. It's good to be flexible and it's good to not beat yourself up when your plans don't work the way you think they should. Sometimes life gets in the way.
And honestly, the day after I came down with the bug, I still was feeling lousy and I rested all day. Guilt free. I took a nap, read a book, watched tv in the middle of the day. Guilt free. Did I mention it was guilt free? Because it is really hard as a mom to stop sometimes. There is always something that needs to be done. Always a meal to be cooked and a bathroom to be cleaned and laundry to fold. Always. Sometimes we need to let it all go and just have a day for ourselves.
*cleaning your washer: Fill tub with water on hottest setting, pour some vinegar in. I eyeballed it but probably a couple of cups. I also poured in baking soda, probably half a small box. Let agitate then sit for an hour. Finish wash cycle. If yours is really bad (and mine was!) do the same process again but with bleach instead of vinegar.
My clothes had honsestly not been feeling like they were getting clean for awhile and this has definitely helped wtih that. I am going to be doing this on a more regular basis for sure. And I finally convinced my hubby that vinegar really does make things smell better!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Feeling convicted and a little Etsy pondering
Last week after I wrote my goal for April of spring cleaning, I started panicking a little at the thought of it. I already feel a little overwhelmed with my normal list of activities that I do, so adding this big project started scaring me. But then I started thinking about how much time in the day I waste. It is really easy for me to get on the computer and spend my day away. Some of that time is legitimate: researching things, buying gifts, looking up recipes, paying bills...but some is pure waste: checking facebook, checking email, rechecking email, looking at blogs. All of that is fun, but it definitely takes me away from other stuff I could and should be doing. I am really praying about this and hoping I can walk away from the computer more and accomplish the things I really want to this month!
So today, was my first real day to start my spring cleaning and I did waste more time than I should have on the computer this morning. But I was determined to do better in the afternoon. I ended up getting 4 cupboards cleaned and rearranged in my kitchen. It really isn't enough to get me to the finish line at the end of the week but I was also making dinner, making muffins for breakfast, sweeping, taking care of dogs...you get the idea, general life stuff. I will keep you posted on how it goes.
The other thing I have been considering is selling some stuff on Etsy. I have been feeling a little stressed about money lately and I have been trying to think of things I could do to help pay for our Disneyland trip, to cover swim lessons, and extras for school and stuff like that without actually working more hours.
At the same time, I just finished crocheting 2 baby blankets for friends at church and I made them in a whirlwind b/c their due dates were coming. I worked on them every night for several weeks. Now that I am finished with them, I am feeling a little lost at night. I love relaxing in front of the tv at the end of the day but I am finding more and more than I want to multitask whether it is the crocheting, or blogging, or cutting coupons. It has been really hard to just sit.
My friend Kelleigh just posted something about her Etsy shop selling cash envelopes and she has sold 50 in the past 2 months! That is amazing and they are super cute too. I am not good at that sort of stuff but I can make a pretty good baby blanket. So I am thinking and praying about making them and selling them. I don't have quite the reach that Kelleigh does when it comes to selling stuff, as I just don't know that many people but it wouldn't hurt to try. I will keep you guys posted on that as well.
So today, was my first real day to start my spring cleaning and I did waste more time than I should have on the computer this morning. But I was determined to do better in the afternoon. I ended up getting 4 cupboards cleaned and rearranged in my kitchen. It really isn't enough to get me to the finish line at the end of the week but I was also making dinner, making muffins for breakfast, sweeping, taking care of dogs...you get the idea, general life stuff. I will keep you posted on how it goes.
The other thing I have been considering is selling some stuff on Etsy. I have been feeling a little stressed about money lately and I have been trying to think of things I could do to help pay for our Disneyland trip, to cover swim lessons, and extras for school and stuff like that without actually working more hours.
At the same time, I just finished crocheting 2 baby blankets for friends at church and I made them in a whirlwind b/c their due dates were coming. I worked on them every night for several weeks. Now that I am finished with them, I am feeling a little lost at night. I love relaxing in front of the tv at the end of the day but I am finding more and more than I want to multitask whether it is the crocheting, or blogging, or cutting coupons. It has been really hard to just sit.
My friend Kelleigh just posted something about her Etsy shop selling cash envelopes and she has sold 50 in the past 2 months! That is amazing and they are super cute too. I am not good at that sort of stuff but I can make a pretty good baby blanket. So I am thinking and praying about making them and selling them. I don't have quite the reach that Kelleigh does when it comes to selling stuff, as I just don't know that many people but it wouldn't hurt to try. I will keep you guys posted on that as well.
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