Dec. 4th

It's late.  I am tired.  I almost forgot about this.  And that is exactly why I am doing this.
Tonight, I feel hopeful.  Even feeling tired, overwhelmed, stressed, I know I have rest and peace in Jesus my Savior.  What an empty life it would be without Him.

Dec. 3rd

Seriously, I am having a week.  A week where I forget what time my son gets out of school.  A week where I almost put a post on my wrong blog.  One that would not go over well with some people who read that blog.  Why this blog is more private.  Anyway, I figured out finally that I posted on the wrong blog, deleted it and now get to type it all over.  Fun times.  And it's only Day 3 (Jesus is the reason, Jesus is the reason...I have to keep saying that to myself)
Here we go:
God's love.  I think people just really don't understand it.  I am not saying I fully understand it myself but it saddens me to think of so many people in our world who live without knowing God loves them.  Today I read a discussion page (on Amazon of all places) where someone brought up the topic "why do Christians pray for Obama to die?" I actually know people who feel that way.  By that, I mean I know strong Christians who feel that way.  Really?? How can someone profess God's love on one hand and pray for the death of another human being on the other? I don't get it. It is easy to try to justify it, I mean there are people like Hitler, Sadam Hussein, Mussolini who were truly horrible people (among many others in history) who brought death and destruction to their countries.  If were under any of them, I might pray for their death.  But I honestly find it hard to believe that Obama is in those categories. But that doesn't really matter does it?  It doesn't matter that they are the most horrible peron on earth or just someone who is misguided.  The truth of the matter is God loves us.  Period.  We are all sinners.  Every...single....one....of....us.  And I truly believe that killing a person is the same as a lie in God's book.  Not in a human book.  Someone who murders should go to prison, someone who lies should not necessarily.  But God loves us all.  Equally.  He loved us enough to send His son as a baby to die for us.  He knew.  He knew His son would eventually be tortured and put to a horrible death.  And He did it anyway.  I don't think that I, as a mother, could do the same.  Could have a baby knowing something like that.  But He did it.  For you.  For me.  For Hitler even.  He did it.
God's love.  Amazing.

Dec. 2nd

This was a busy day for me and I almost forgot to post.  Honestly, if I can't even do 2 days in a row then I am in trouble:-)
I was going to write about my kids (again) but something happened today so will write about the other thing later.  It wasn't anything big, it wasn't even something I officially prayed for.  But it happened.  Like it happens a lot, the small, quiet things.  God took care of me.  So simple really.  But He does it a lot and I think I don't give Him the credit as much as I should. 
I am taking a year long class to get Certified in Manual Therapy which probably doesn't mean much to you but it is a big deal for me.  It is one weekend a month for 10 months.  Yes, 10 months.  One entire weekend.  8-5 on saturday and 8-3 on sunday.  Okay, so no big deal right?  Except that I work, have three kids and along with that comes an abundance of jobs.  One weekend a month is a big chunk of my precious time.  But God opened the door for me to take this class and I know He wants me there.  Did I mention I have to study?  Yes, study because we have quizzes.  So that big chunk of time the class takes is added on to by the studying.  Which I don't really have the energy for and don't make a priority (until the big test in April). 
    I know you are wondering my point here.  I am really tired, sorry.  My point is that on my 10 hour work day, I was scheduled for 12 patients.  How many actually showed?  5.  Times that by approximately 45 minutes and you get less than 4 hours.  What did that leave?  About 5 hours of studying time (I took a break for lunch and a trip to the store).  5 hours of unexpected, have nothing better to do, getting paid for...study time.  What a gift!  God is so good!

Dec 1st

Last night as I went to tuck my beautiful children in for the night, I had an urge to just sit and watch them sleep and then I had an urge to pray over them.  What a gift.  Prayer.  It has not always been my focus and often it has become my last resort.  When I am weary, brokenhearted, despairing - that is when I have found myself crying out to God.  Fortunately more recently it has come to my mind before I get to that point.  It didn't come easy at first, to pray more often, to pray proactively and sometimes, I feel I am just saying the same things over and over.  But with help from a terrific prayer partner and God's leading, I have been praying more and more.  How amazing is it, that our God listens to our prayers, that He answers them, that He never tires of listening to us.  How amazing that He sent His son to be our intercessor!  As I prayed over my children, I was reminded that He loves my them even more than I do and how blessed I am that He watches over them without ceasing.  Surely I can at least attempt the same with talking to my Lord.
"Therefore, let us come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need" Hebrews 4:16

Blog challenge to myself

Over the past month there have been lots of blogs out there celebrating daily what they are thankful for.  I thought I should do something like that but it was already the middle of November and Thanksgiving was coming fast and I realized that it would be more beneficial to me, to try daily blogging in December.  I love Christmas.  It has always been my favorite holiday.  But it is so easy to get caught up in the worldly aspect of Christmas.  Especially because I love to give gifts (I even enjoy receiving them a little:-), send Christmas cards and I love to bake and before I know it, I am stressed out about giving the right gifts, baking enough of something and getting things in the mail...sigh, I hate going to the post office.   And I start losing what Christmas is all about.  So, here is my challenge for the month of December: my daily blog will be something to help me stay focused on Christ.
     I am good at starting up on these challenges I give myself and then not following through so I am hopeful I can do it this time.  We will see.

Words

A few weeks ago, the ladies from my church got together and the pastor's wife did a short little Bible study. It was amazing really. I wish it had been recorded so I could listen to it again. It was just exactly what I needed to hear. The topic was on the words that we speak and how they can affect other people and us in ways we just don't even know.
Proverbs 25:11 "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver".
I am a shy person. In new settings or around people I am just meeting, I am pretty guarded with my words. I think that is actually a good thing. We have all known people who just say whatever comes to their head and sometimes that is okay and sometimes it is not. Words can be so hurtful and sometimes we don't even realize what we are saying or how we are saying something can hit a wrong note.
Matthew 12: 36-37 "But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give acocunt of it in the day of judgement. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." That is Jesus speaking.
However, when I am alone or with my kids/husband, or people I am more comfortable with, I am not so careful with my words. I know I have said things in the past that as soon as they have come out of my mouth, I regret them. I know instantly it was a hurtful thing to say and even if I didn't mean it to come out that way, those words are out there. Hard to take back. I am especially brutal with my kids. There is much less of a filter with them. That was what another mom was saying in the group, that our kids get the brunt of things. You know when you are in a hurry or they are not listening and you are frazzled...man it is so easy to just yell or say something that is not right. I guess I haven't focused to much on it (much to my shame) b/c my kids are little and honestly, they won't remember those harsh words. But, they are coming to an age where they will remember. They will remember having a crazed mommy who actually made them cry b/c of her words (hanging head much farther in shame).
So here is my prayer:
Psalm 19:14 "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer."
Since this study, I have really been trying to not raise my voice to my kids but to approach them calmly and more lovingly. From my previous post, you can see where my desire is anyway. I think that is where the meditation part comes in. If I meditate on God, read His words, pray without ceasing, focus on Him, then hopefully the words that do come out of my mouth will be Him spilling out of me and not my sinful nature showing itself. This will help me be that kind of mom that I so desperately want to be, the wife I want to be and the friend I want to be. This world is so harsh already. I don't need to add to it.

Women of Faith

My parents were not believers when I was very little. My mom became a Christian when I was 8 and then my dad left. And that sort of defines her walk with God. Someone who takes things away. I became a Christian after my dad left. Even though we were in a really good church, a through the Bible church and I went to private Christian schools, I look at that time in my life as missing seeing strong Christian women. There probably were some that I just didn't really see or appreciate or maybe didn't realize I needed that sort of mentor ...until now.
Now, we belong to an amazing fellowship of believers. There are these women who exude God. It's like it is coming out of their pores. Don't get me wrong, I am not putting them up on a pedestal necessarily but I am coveting a relationship with Jesus that I see in these women. Women who read the Bible, memorize it, study it, seek God daily. Women who love their children and who are Godly mothers.
I want to be that kind of mom. I don't want my kids looking at me and seeing my struggles. Not that I want to hide them from them exactly, I just don't want my struggles to be their struggles. I want them to see that when I am having a hard time with something, I seek God. I want them to know that I pray for them daily, that I trust them in God's hands, that He loves them as much as I love them. I want them to feel secure in my love, in God's love, in life.
Unfortunately, as a person, I am a sinner, imperfect and unworthy and sometimes my kids get the full brunt of that. I am so greatful, to see that it is possible. It is possible to be a Godly mother, to raise kids that love God and stay in love with God as they grow older and not stray. That is truly one of my biggest fears, that I will not give my children the strong foundation they need to not stray from God. But now I have hope and pray that I can become one of these women and that there will be a time when I am so full of Christ, He will flow out of me in everything that I do.