This doesn't happen as much in Oregon, but in Utah and Kansas where I grew up, you could smell the rain coming. In the summer, when it was dry and hot and you got that whiff...it was so exciting to know it was about to downpour. To cool things off, settle the dust. A pouring rain in the hot summer months is a great thing for a child to play in. I loved it!
It also meant change. A small change maybe. A brief change probably. But a change. And when you have had days and days of dry weather, a change can be good.
I can honestly say, that the past few years has been the least amount of change I have experienced in a long time. We have been very stable. We have lived in the same house, had the same number of children, the same jobs, the same cars. I am not saying this to complain. Believe me. It has been nice to settle into some sort of routine.
But I know life. And I know how God works in my life. Often, when I am feeling stable and settled is when He shakes things up a bit.
I don't exactly know if that is happening in my life right now. There are a couple of things my husband and I are praying about, some decisions we need to make. I don't know where God is going to take us but, these decisions have gotten me thinking about my life. My desires, things I want to accomplish, actions I want to take.
There are a lot of things on those lists. Too many things on those lists really. As a working mom, as a mom, there is so much busyness. There are so many things that we strive to achieve. But realistically we cannot do it all. We read blogs and wonder why we can't have it all together. I wish I could be crafty and pull out amazing things for my kids to occupy their time, or grind my own flour and make my own bread, or take them to music lessons, swim lessons, the library....it goes on and on but it is impossible for me to do everything that I want to do.
So instead of feeling like I am failing at doing lots of things, I need to sit down and figure out what few things I can do that are the right things.
This blog is one of those things. I started it out as a way to journal some of my crazy thoughts as a working mom. But I am not sure where it is going. I am not even sure I have time to do it. Is it something that is beneficial for me to continue? And if I continue, what do I want my focus to be. I have a friend who is an amazing blogger. Her posts make me laugh and cry and stop and breathe. She is amazing! Truly, if you are looking for a new blog to read, check hers out. But I am feeling super unfocused here and while I realize I will never be an amazing writer and I have no aspirations for this to become something huge, I need to know if it is truly something I should be doing.
So, for those 2 of you who read this:-) I would love your prayers and I will update as I get a few things sorted out.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
I went to Winco
I did. On the second of the month. I thought I was safe. I avoided the first day of the month. You know, the day people get their government money and go to Winco and buy cartloads of food. I avoid it every month. But I did go yesterday and that was a mistake. It was busy and I got a baaaaddd attitude about it. I realized that I need to avoid going on those days because of my attitude. Not because of other people.
Generally, I understand that there are people out there who need assistance. And I feel that to whom much is given, much is expected. I grew up with a single mom who would have benefited from food stamps. There were times where she was scrounging around the house for change to buy bread or milk to get us through the week. We never went hungry but it was a stress for all of us.
So I understand that people struggle financially. That people need help to put food on the table so their kids don't go hungry.
What I struggle is when I see people who use government assistance because they don't have a job or can't work but when I see them using the assistance in an extravagant way. Then I become judgemental. This is where it is my problem. What they do with the money God has provided for them should really be between them and God. And I need to be a good steward of what God has given me. And not to get bitter about what I have which honestly, sometimes seems less than what they have.
But last night, God reminded me of how good I truly have it and that what I have is not even my own.
I just started reading Acts and what I read last night was "Now all who believed were together, and had all things in common, and sold their possessions and goods, and divided them among all, as anyone had need." Acts 2:44-45
As anyone had need....I have no idea what other people are going through when I see them in the store or in my clinic. I don't know why they can't work or why they struggle, and I shouldn't really need to know. God shows us His model of how we are supposed to behave. How we are supposed to give. He puts things on our hearts.
God calls us to be generous. He calls us to give back. He calls us to have compassionate hearts and to pray for people.
It's really easy to get caught up in money. But it is such a trap and it is temporary. What I have today could be gone in an instant. That is not what will sustain me.
I am grateful that He puts this reminder on my heart. That in obeying Him by reading the Word (something I really struggle with), my heart changed. And helped me see areas of where I need to pray.
Generally, I understand that there are people out there who need assistance. And I feel that to whom much is given, much is expected. I grew up with a single mom who would have benefited from food stamps. There were times where she was scrounging around the house for change to buy bread or milk to get us through the week. We never went hungry but it was a stress for all of us.
So I understand that people struggle financially. That people need help to put food on the table so their kids don't go hungry.
What I struggle is when I see people who use government assistance because they don't have a job or can't work but when I see them using the assistance in an extravagant way. Then I become judgemental. This is where it is my problem. What they do with the money God has provided for them should really be between them and God. And I need to be a good steward of what God has given me. And not to get bitter about what I have which honestly, sometimes seems less than what they have.
But last night, God reminded me of how good I truly have it and that what I have is not even my own.
I just started reading Acts and what I read last night was "Now all who believed were together, and had all things in common, and sold their possessions and goods, and divided them among all, as anyone had need." Acts 2:44-45
As anyone had need....I have no idea what other people are going through when I see them in the store or in my clinic. I don't know why they can't work or why they struggle, and I shouldn't really need to know. God shows us His model of how we are supposed to behave. How we are supposed to give. He puts things on our hearts.
God calls us to be generous. He calls us to give back. He calls us to have compassionate hearts and to pray for people.
It's really easy to get caught up in money. But it is such a trap and it is temporary. What I have today could be gone in an instant. That is not what will sustain me.
I am grateful that He puts this reminder on my heart. That in obeying Him by reading the Word (something I really struggle with), my heart changed. And helped me see areas of where I need to pray.
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