Sweet Surrender

     I was going to write this post last week...but last week was not a great week and actually, I am so glad I waited until after this past weekend.
     2 weekends ago, I was burnt out.  I had been taking care of my mom who had knee surgery, dealing with a bad case of vertigo, not getting enough sleep and just had too much on my place.   So when Sunday came, I was done.  You know that feeling.  Where you just want to curl up and have "me" time. 
     I should know better.  There is a difference between selfishly wanting "me" time and doing things that calm the spirit and give me the true rest that I need.
     Our church has started a study on the Ten Commandments.  It was going to be Sunday night and I did not want to go.  But I prayed that if we were to go, my husband would want to go.  (We are good at balancing out each other that way).  But I completely sabotaged it by telling him I really didn't want to go but would go if he wanted.  What exactly was he supposed to say to that?  Especially with the tone I used.  So we didn't go.  And I was miserable.  Even though he was incredibly supportive and told me we could have a relaxing evening at home.  My evening was no where near relaxing.  I could have gone and had a potluck dinner, dove more deeply into the Word, and spent time with a great bunch of people.  Instead, I rushed to cook dinner, get the kids in baths and bed and then whatever other projects I felt I had to do.  And this mood carried over into monday.  Not a good day.  Because I knew.  I knew I had disobeyed God and it is not a good feeling.
     So come Tuesday,when we had Women's Prayer group and I sort of didn't want to go (wanted some down time), I went and was completely blessed and felt blessed for the rest of my day.  Saturday came a Women's All Day Retreat.  I waivered back and forth, go all day, go part of the day, go all day, go part of the day.  But in my heart I knew, I should go all day.  So I did.  And it was amazing.  And I didn't feel harried or overwhelmed at the end of the day even though I had been gone all day.  And my kids did amazing at soccer and my husband took good care of them.
     Sunday comes and church and we are getting out of church late b/c hubby is helping break things down.  Which is great but it gets us home late and then he had to help a friend take care of a chicken who was hurt.  So we got home late and the evening thing was coming in just a few short hours.  And I didn't totally want to go, because, well, I was tired and wanted down time.  But we went.  And we ate amazing food and the kids played awesome with other kids and actually I feel made new friends.  And I learned some good lessons about the Ten Commandments.  And I felt rested.  Yes, my weekend was crazy and I got absolutely nothing done around my house and I didn't get as much sleep as I would have liked but...I obeyed God, I was nourished by Him, nourished by our church body and I felt really good.  I am super tired today but I still feel like I am carrying around that peace that only comes from Him.
     Obeying God is hard sometimes but He knows so much more than us.  When we surrender to His will for our lives, it is so much easier.  Life isn't always better, but it is easier to deal with the bad stuff when you feel the peace of God.  You know you can get through it with Him at your side.