Wow! It has been a long time. One long summer. Now I get it when parents say they are ready for school. I am hoping to get some semblance of order in my life now that I have 2 in school.
September is a hard month. It always hits me and I always dread it. I talk about it, I cry. I probably drive my husband crazy with my sadness. But I can't help it. When you lose a best friend tragically at a young age, it sticks with you. And I am not going to apologize for it. I am going to embrace it. "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". Right. That can apply to friendship as well.
I picked up a book this week that Glo had recommended to me the summer before our senior year at Fox. "You Gotta Keep Dancin". Such a great book. I might write more on it later. But basically it says that joy is a choice. Happiness is circumstantial but joy is a choice. That is going to be my theme this school year. I am really going to work on choosing joy.
Choosing joy for me also means embracing emotions. Children show all of their emotions. Every thought, sadness, happiness, fear...everything comes out in some way or another. But as we get older, we train ourselves to conceal all of it. To show strength and stability. Who needs a professional person bursting into tears, or someone standing at the checkout line burst into song or laugh hysterically b/c something funny popped into your head. Obviously there is a time and place for emotions but I feel I have trained myself just a little too much and by doing so have taken the feelings out of everything and it sort of paralyzes me. So I am prayerfully asking for Gods help, to change my heart. Help me live, love, be the person He wants me to be and most of all...choose joy. I can be joyful in my sorrow and pain. Because without one, we wouldn't be able to appreciate the other. Some day in Heaven there will only be joy. And I look forward to that day. I look forward to seeing Glo again. But for now, here on earth, I need to start practicing.
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