Do you ever just feel like the worst mother in the world? Right now I am missing sons' first recital of Kindergarten. What in the world would make me miss such a thing you might wonder. Honestly, there is no easy answer. If you read my blog from earlier today you saw my issue with tantrums. Here's the rest of the story. I emailed husband and told him I was not taking son to soccer. After what we went through I didn't have it in me to get him ready for soccer, get the girls loaded up with stuff to keep them occupied, take them all to soccer only to leave early and load them up, change son into appropriate school clothes and cart them off to a spaghetti dinner and recital. Alone. Husband said he would be home at 5:30. Well first of all, soccer starts at 5:30, so him being home at that time wasn't really helpful. And if anyone knows my husband, they know he is often late. There was no guarantee that he would even show up at soccer at all. He called and I explained my day to him. That was at 4:10. Again he said he would be home at 5:30 and we would take the kids to the school together. Son woke up from his nap, seemingly in a better mood. We talked while the girls were taking a bath (b/c I knew it would be too late once we got home). I told him to put some laundry away, well he had to go to the bathroom but didn't want to use mommy's bathroom but didn't want to use the kids' bathroom b/c he wanted privacy and the girls were bathing. So there was the start of it. He finally went and then I told him to get ready for his bath. He got undressed and then complained he had an owie (I won't say where) but he refused to get in the bath. Once again, refusing to obey me. So by this time husband is home (5:41) and I leave disciplining son up to him. He takes son in his room, closes the door and proceeds to talk to him for 10 minutes. I reminded him what time it was (we were supposed to be at school at 6) and the talking continued for at least another 5 minutes. By that time the girls were ready, thanks to me. I was downstairs thinking, I don't want to do this alone. B/c even though husband was home, him staying in son's room talking for 15 minutes while I am trying to get last minute stuff ready to go was basically leaving it for me to do alone. Plus he still had to give son a bath (he desperately needed one). So now it is 6 o'clock and I just didn't have it in me to get everything ready and I am in tears. Husband comes down and tells son to get his shoes on we are going and princess informs him the girls aren't going. He just doesn't get it. Why him taking 25 minutes to deal with son was not helpful to me and then to expect everything else to be ready when he came down. So he tells me to take son and go. Now really, do you think I was in the mood, tear stained face and emotional instability to pack son up and take him to a spaghetti dinner and recital? Would you have been? So now I am sitting here feeling guilty, wondering why I couldn't pull it together and knowing husband thinks I am just upset over son's disobedience.
So tell me. Do your husbands dawdle when it is time to get ready to go somewhere and then expect to be able to just load up the kids in the car and drive off? It's like he doesn't get that there are diaper bags to get ready, snacks to gather, diapers to change, shoes to put on, etc. .. before we can even think about getting in the car.
I could just curl up with a bowl of ice cream and watch a sad movie right about now. Unfortunately, I still have the girls to put to bed.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Tantrums
I am at a loss. I have always struggled with keeping son under control and obeying me. He obeys his dad well but really pushes me. I tend to give in more being the softy and he completely takes advantage of it. So, when I try to reestablish parental control, I am faced with huge tantrums. And they are only getting worse as he gets older and bigger. So my question to other moms is, what do you do when your child completely and utterly won't obey? I mean they won't go to timeout, they won't go to their room and they certainly won't do the thing that you wanted them to do in the first place. Spankings don't work, taking toys away won't work. Today he actually hit and kicked me. That is really a first and I don't quite know what to do. I can still put him in his room but keeping him there takes everything I've got. He is so stubborn that he just cannot give in until he is so exhausted that he has no fight left in him. So in that sense I still "win". But like I said, he is only getting bigger and stronger.
If you have any suggestions, I would greatly appreciate it or just commiserate with me, that way I know I am not alone.
I really thought 5 would be easier. He better be super easy as a teenager.
If you have any suggestions, I would greatly appreciate it or just commiserate with me, that way I know I am not alone.
I really thought 5 would be easier. He better be super easy as a teenager.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Sleeping In
It's saturday morning at 7 and I am wide awake. Now I know those of you who don't have kids or those whose kids actually sleep in might be amazed by this because 7 am is early. I love sleeping in. I love lying in bed awake knowing I don't have to get up to do anything. But for now, those days are pretty much gone for me. All I ask is for 8 hours of sleep. It is a real rarity for me to get it. Even though husband and I take turns getting up with the kids and letting the other one sleep in on weekends. The one trying to sleep is usually interrupted lots because of crying, fighting or just plain old noisiness from the kids downstairs.
Anyway, last night I told son that we wanted to sleep in in the morning. I said, "if our door is open, that means you need to stay in your room and play quietly. If it is shut, then someone is downstairs and you can get up and go downstairs". Now really, he is 5. I thought that was expecting a lot. But at 6:40 he accidentally knocked something over in his room. He had been doing just that. Trying to play quietly in his room. But the significant thing of this story is that it was 6:40! I cannot remember the last time one of my kids didn't get up at 5. Yes, 5 am. If it isn't son then it is princess. It's awful. There is a huge difference between 5 and 6:40 and that difference is me sitting here on the computer actually feeling awake after having 8 hours of wonderful sleep.
Now, I am going to get some donuts to really start the day off right:-)
Anyway, last night I told son that we wanted to sleep in in the morning. I said, "if our door is open, that means you need to stay in your room and play quietly. If it is shut, then someone is downstairs and you can get up and go downstairs". Now really, he is 5. I thought that was expecting a lot. But at 6:40 he accidentally knocked something over in his room. He had been doing just that. Trying to play quietly in his room. But the significant thing of this story is that it was 6:40! I cannot remember the last time one of my kids didn't get up at 5. Yes, 5 am. If it isn't son then it is princess. It's awful. There is a huge difference between 5 and 6:40 and that difference is me sitting here on the computer actually feeling awake after having 8 hours of wonderful sleep.
Now, I am going to get some donuts to really start the day off right:-)
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Glo
So September is a hard month for me. I think it won't be and then it is. I just can't seem to get away from it. First her birthday was the 2nd. This year it landed on the same day of the week as her last birthday, 6 years ago when she turned 30. How can I possible remember that? The day before was labor day and I found out I was pregnant that day. That same week I got an email from her saying her roommate had thrown her a 30th birthday party but didn't know how to get in touch with us. I was actually relieved. I was tired apparently from the pregnancy and wasn't up for it anyway. Although, had I known that she would die two weeks later.....
The 17th. I remember nothing about that day except the phone call. The kind you see on tv where the person just falls to the floor. Poor husband had no idea what was going on and I could barely get the words out.
You would think 6 years later it wouldn't hit me as hard but it does. It does this month, that day. The rest of the year I remember the good stuff. I remind myself that I will see her again in heaven. But that day I think about the things I miss. And it makes me sad knowing my kids will never have an "Aunt Glo", will never know her and won't be able to appreciate the impact she made on my life. I knew her for 12 years before she died and it wasn't long enough. One thing this taught me is to appreciate each day. I don't always remember that lesson but she didn't take anything for granted. She really lived every moment in a way I have never seen anyone else do. And also to appreciate my friendships. I forget to tell people how much they mean to me. But everyone who I have told about this blog is someone I trust and am very grateful to have in my life. So in case I haven't told you recently, thanks for being there for me and sharing this journey with me.
The 17th. I remember nothing about that day except the phone call. The kind you see on tv where the person just falls to the floor. Poor husband had no idea what was going on and I could barely get the words out.
You would think 6 years later it wouldn't hit me as hard but it does. It does this month, that day. The rest of the year I remember the good stuff. I remind myself that I will see her again in heaven. But that day I think about the things I miss. And it makes me sad knowing my kids will never have an "Aunt Glo", will never know her and won't be able to appreciate the impact she made on my life. I knew her for 12 years before she died and it wasn't long enough. One thing this taught me is to appreciate each day. I don't always remember that lesson but she didn't take anything for granted. She really lived every moment in a way I have never seen anyone else do. And also to appreciate my friendships. I forget to tell people how much they mean to me. But everyone who I have told about this blog is someone I trust and am very grateful to have in my life. So in case I haven't told you recently, thanks for being there for me and sharing this journey with me.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
header
I want to be able to customize my header but have not been able to figure out how to do it. It probably doesn't help that I don't have photoshop.
So here is a picture of Bud and Sweet Pea. He is helping put her shoes on. Very cute. I will probably change it if I can ever figure out how, obvioulsy it is too big but this is a start.
So here is a picture of Bud and Sweet Pea. He is helping put her shoes on. Very cute. I will probably change it if I can ever figure out how, obvioulsy it is too big but this is a start.
Goals
I feel I have been in a baby haze for the past 5 years. You know the one, where you are pregnant, have a baby and just when you feel you are getting back to normal do it all again. Granted Sweet Pea is 19 months old so this haze has lasted a long time. It really needs to end. With Bud going to kindergarten I am feeling the beginnings of new energy to get my life back in order. To do that, I need some goals and I need to be accountable which is why I am writing them down. I am going to make a chart of the below goals and hang it somewhere (like at my computer) and make sure I am accomplishing them. They are not anything big or drastic b/c obviously I don't want to overwhelm myself. Anyway, here they are:
1) Send a card to a different friend every month (plus actually send birthday cards). Who doesn't love getting real mail? I know I do and it can be such a blessing when someone sends one unexpectedly.
2)Make one new recipe a month. I have a huge folder of recipes that I have cut out of magazines and I don't even know if they are good. So my goal is to try them, if they are good write them on a recipe card and file them away, if they are bad toss them.
3)Bake something with the kids helping at least once a month. I am having to bake more now with Bud's peanut allergy and what kid doesn't love to pour ingredients and stir things. It is so much easier, quicker and less messy without them:-) But it is good for them to help. If anyone has any great baking ideas that doesn't include chocolate chips (cocoa is okay) or peanut butter, let me know. I could use some fresh ideas.
4) Create a chore schedule for Bud and Princess and keep them on track. I really have been wanting to do this for a long time. They occasionally help set the table and put groceries away but I want them to learn responsibilty with helping around the house before it is time to start allowances.
5) Journal 2 times a week. In college, I journaled almost every day. It really helped me process things and get them out of my head to keep me from stressing about things too much.
6) Read the Bible 4 days a week. I know that I should do it daily. When I did my 21 day challenge, I was doing pretty good with it. But at this time, if I make the goal too high, I won't follow through. 4 days seems more reasonable for me and it is certainly better than what I am doing now.
7) Go on at least 1 date a month with husband. This summer has been bad for this. I cannot remember the last time we actually went out just the 2 of us to a movie or dinner. Maybe it was our anniversary in May. Not good.
8) Have at least one night or weekend date with a friend without kids to go shopping or even just have coffee or lunch. I definitely don't do enough just girl time. Playdates don't count b/c we are too distracted with the kids.
9) Make my kids go outside more. I am so bad at this. Simply b/c I don't always want to be out there too. And Sweet Pea isn't old enough to go in the back yard by herself. I know winter is coming but I am going to buy some raingear and get them out there stomping puddles. They definitely don't get enough fresh air.
10) Eat 5 servings of fruits and vegetables at least 5 days a week. Okay, so I am not bad with veggies believe it or not. But I have a hard time with fruit. I love fruit, I just tend to eat carbs when I am hungry and don't make it a priority unless it is super easy. I need to set a better example for my kids. I am not going to say every day though, again I don't want to set myself up for just giving up b/c it is too overwhelming.
That's a good start.
Some long term goals:
1) Take a cake decorating class. My grandma was great at decorating cakes and I have such great memories of them. If I am going to keep up with the pirate, princess and other kinds of cakes, I might need some other skills.
2) Organize pictures and put them in albums. This includes ordering pictures that are stored on the computer but that I have no hard copies for.
I am sure there are other big things I want to get done but those are the only 2 I can think of at this time.
Now I need to go make a chart! Wish me luck.
1) Send a card to a different friend every month (plus actually send birthday cards). Who doesn't love getting real mail? I know I do and it can be such a blessing when someone sends one unexpectedly.
2)Make one new recipe a month. I have a huge folder of recipes that I have cut out of magazines and I don't even know if they are good. So my goal is to try them, if they are good write them on a recipe card and file them away, if they are bad toss them.
3)Bake something with the kids helping at least once a month. I am having to bake more now with Bud's peanut allergy and what kid doesn't love to pour ingredients and stir things. It is so much easier, quicker and less messy without them:-) But it is good for them to help. If anyone has any great baking ideas that doesn't include chocolate chips (cocoa is okay) or peanut butter, let me know. I could use some fresh ideas.
4) Create a chore schedule for Bud and Princess and keep them on track. I really have been wanting to do this for a long time. They occasionally help set the table and put groceries away but I want them to learn responsibilty with helping around the house before it is time to start allowances.
5) Journal 2 times a week. In college, I journaled almost every day. It really helped me process things and get them out of my head to keep me from stressing about things too much.
6) Read the Bible 4 days a week. I know that I should do it daily. When I did my 21 day challenge, I was doing pretty good with it. But at this time, if I make the goal too high, I won't follow through. 4 days seems more reasonable for me and it is certainly better than what I am doing now.
7) Go on at least 1 date a month with husband. This summer has been bad for this. I cannot remember the last time we actually went out just the 2 of us to a movie or dinner. Maybe it was our anniversary in May. Not good.
8) Have at least one night or weekend date with a friend without kids to go shopping or even just have coffee or lunch. I definitely don't do enough just girl time. Playdates don't count b/c we are too distracted with the kids.
9) Make my kids go outside more. I am so bad at this. Simply b/c I don't always want to be out there too. And Sweet Pea isn't old enough to go in the back yard by herself. I know winter is coming but I am going to buy some raingear and get them out there stomping puddles. They definitely don't get enough fresh air.
10) Eat 5 servings of fruits and vegetables at least 5 days a week. Okay, so I am not bad with veggies believe it or not. But I have a hard time with fruit. I love fruit, I just tend to eat carbs when I am hungry and don't make it a priority unless it is super easy. I need to set a better example for my kids. I am not going to say every day though, again I don't want to set myself up for just giving up b/c it is too overwhelming.
That's a good start.
Some long term goals:
1) Take a cake decorating class. My grandma was great at decorating cakes and I have such great memories of them. If I am going to keep up with the pirate, princess and other kinds of cakes, I might need some other skills.
2) Organize pictures and put them in albums. This includes ordering pictures that are stored on the computer but that I have no hard copies for.
I am sure there are other big things I want to get done but those are the only 2 I can think of at this time.
Now I need to go make a chart! Wish me luck.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Kindergarten
Bud starts kindergarten tomorrow. I am so excited. I know I should be sad. But the thought of having 4 hours with just 2 kids on my 2 days home makes me happy. I will probably get sick of the dropping off and picking up and look forward to the days he is home, but right now I see things getting accomplished around the house that I just don't have the energy for. Or even errands being run without getting 3 kids in and out of the car.
Last year was a disaster when I dropped him off at preschool. I don't know who cried harder, him or me. Probably him as I didn't do any screaming while the teacher held me, although she did have to tell me gently to just go, he would settle down. He and I have already talked about how this year will be better. He has met his teacher and sat at his desk, plus he only has 7 kids in his class. I think it will go great.
Now I just have to get over my anxiety about his peanut allergy and how he will be exposed to foods I don't know about.
Last year was a disaster when I dropped him off at preschool. I don't know who cried harder, him or me. Probably him as I didn't do any screaming while the teacher held me, although she did have to tell me gently to just go, he would settle down. He and I have already talked about how this year will be better. He has met his teacher and sat at his desk, plus he only has 7 kids in his class. I think it will go great.
Now I just have to get over my anxiety about his peanut allergy and how he will be exposed to foods I don't know about.
OPAM
One project a month. I have seen that on a couple of blogs and think it is a great idea. I have been struggling to keep my house in order. I get the basic cleaning, laundry, picking up toys kind of thing done. But when it comes to the deep cleaning and organizing, I tend to be hit or miss. So my new goal. Take one room a month, (pair a bedroom and a bathroom since the bathrooms are easy organizing wise) and go from top to bottom. Including, steam cleaning carpets, washing baseboards, reorganizing and cleaning out closets. It seems a little less overwhelming than trying to do it all at once. Maybe once I get through round one, it will be easier to keep up on it. We will see. I will keep you posted.
Husband requested our bedroom be the first room. So along with our bathroom that is the goal. If anyone has any good ideas for cleaning shower doors, I would greatly appreciate it. I just cannot get the soap scum off, not to mention the yucky stuff on the bottom. I might just have to buy a new one and start over. :-)
Husband requested our bedroom be the first room. So along with our bathroom that is the goal. If anyone has any good ideas for cleaning shower doors, I would greatly appreciate it. I just cannot get the soap scum off, not to mention the yucky stuff on the bottom. I might just have to buy a new one and start over. :-)
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