Are you PMS'ing?

Yes, that is the question my husband asked me when he got home from work tonight.  Was I crying?  Was I in bed with the covers pulled over me?  Was I yelling at the kids?  Was the house too much of a disaster?  Was I standing at the freezer with an open container of ice cream digging in?
No.  To all of those things.  Typical things women might do (and I have done, okay maybe not the ice cream at the freezer as that would waste electricity) when we are going through this hormonal craziness.  So, I am sure you are wondering what I did that made him ask that question...
     I dropped a knife.  Yes, that is all it took for him to figure it out.  Okay,that is all he witnessed.  I also did mention something about spilling chicken guts all over the kitchen.  I was pounding chicken and the bag broke and it's contents flew.  Fun time.  You see, when I am PMS'ing, along with all the crazy emotions, candy and ice cream cravings, and complaints of not fitting into my clothes come things I never hear women talk about.
     1. I drop things.  A lot.  Food, groceries, kids, you name it.  It is like my fingers just stop working.
     2. I burn things.  Or overcook.  Or add the wrong measurements to a recipe I have made a hundred times.  Basically I ruin food.  I should just know this, and order pizza.  Sometimes this is actually my first hint that it is that time of the month.  Not that I don't ruin things on other occasions, but I am a decent cook and I don't make the mistakes I do when it is this time of the month.
     3. I get nothing accomplished.  It's not for lack of trying.  It just seems that when I try to do something, it doesn't work.  Today I went to Target, needing a couple of basic things, soap for my kids, PJ's for my son, printer ink (to print all those coupons!) and what did I walk out of the store with?  Nothing.  Sometimes I forget what I am looking for but I actually made a list.  I just spun my wheels there.  Not just that, but all the plans I had for today, just vanished.  Nothing accomplished really other than things that were absolutely essential like taking my daughter to her well check.  But nothing extra that I was planning on doing.
I actually was in a pretty good mood for most of today.  Even with all of that going on.  I didn't cry or yell more than normal to my kids.  I probably did eat a little extra chocolate.  My house while not clean is at least picked up.  2/3 of the kids got baths.  But, now that I look back on my day and my lack of accomplishments, I am feeling the emtional part kick in.
And I am really looking forward to some ice cream tonight:-)

Spending time with kids

     Sunday morning I decided it was time to go outside and go for a walk/jog.  I have been doing videos inside and just wasn't in the mood to have my butt kicked like that (Jillian is one tough trainer!).  As I was getting ready my son asks if he can come with me.  He will be 7 in April.  I asked him if he was sure, that there would be no resting and I would be gone for 30 minutes.  He still said he wanted to go.  Who am I to discourage fostering a love of exercise in my kids?  I mean he is super skinny now but that won't always be the case and it is so good for you! 
     We went 30 minutes and he did really well until the 20 minute mark, then he started to get tired.  But he didn't complain he just walked slower as I jogged ahead and then waited for him to catch up.  The whole time we are talking about the streets we live on, me trying to give him a sense of direction in our neighborhood, reviewing our address and phone number in case he ever gets lost and needs to tell a police officer, talking about how much he loves sundays because he gets to praise God and he loves praising God, telling me about a kid in school who is mean to him. 
     Okay, so I don't know if you got the significance of that last sentence but I didn't figure it out until today.  I had an amazing 30 minutes with my child talking about life with no distractions, no other kids crying for attention, no tv or music or toys or fighting...just 30 minutes of amazing time with my child. 
     How did I miss the significance of it yesterday?  Having 3 kids, it is hard to get that 1 on 1 time with each of them.  I do my youngest b/c she is at home with me a few hours while the other 2 are in school.  I did with him before the girls came along.  But I really don't take the time like this.  Oh, I will take one of them to the grocery store with me, or running other errands but my mind is always on the task at hand.  When he grabbed my hand towards the end whether it was because he was tired or whether his little heart figured it out faster than mine that we just had a great time together, I didn't stop and cherish like I should have.  But I am today.  And I plan to do more of this with each of my kids.  I want to start something now, so that when they are teenagers, I have this bond with them, hopefull where they can talk to me about anything and pray with me and ask me questions.  It's those moments that get me through all the tough times of being a mom.

Finding balance

     I have been doing pretty good with getting my grocery budget under control.  $100 a week.  Of course, February is a short month so that makes it a little easier.  When I was at the store last week, I even splurged on expensive honey crisp apples (2.99/pound yikes) but I knew I was saving a lot of money otherwise and I absolutely love this apple and know none of it will go to waste.  But then I get to reading couponing blogs and see how women are getting groceries for free and have a $200/month budget for groceries and I start feeling like I am doing something wrong.  I mean, before I was spending $600/month on groceries and so I was thinking I was doing pretty good, saving $200 a month. 
     Then I read this blog.  She said a lot of what I was feeling.  When I see these blogs, a lot of what people are getting are snacks, boxed pasta's and potatoes, processed foods.  Now I am not saying my family doesn't eat it's share fair of processed foods.  We definitely do.  But my goal this year is to get away from processed foods.  I really want to start making more things from scratch including bread.  I haven't started that process yet as I am in this year long class that is sort of taking my thought energy but once it is over in April, I really want to start cooking more and better foods.  The other thing is, I don't want to exclude fresh fruits and vegetables from my diet.  My saving that money is going to allow us to join a CSA this year and pay cash for it.  We did it last summer but I didn't have the money saved up and it was a big chunk of change for us.  But it was so worth it.  Maybe someday we will have a garden but I just don't have the energy for that yet so this really is the next best thing.  The other thing we really want to do is buy 1/2 cow.  It is so much better than the stuff you buy in the store. 
So I am trying to let my guilt and yes, I will admit, my competive nature go on this one.  Be happy with my grocery budget and know I don't have the time or energy to go to multiple stores every day just to get all these "great" deals. 
But hey, I will still be excited when I get a good deal.  Today I got 2 boxes of granola bars for $1.40.  I am happy with that!

Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace

John Newton (1725-1807)

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

How many times have we sung this song?  I have sung it a lot, it is one of my favorites.  But as with most old hymns, I usually know the 1st or 2nd verse and the last verse.  The ones in the middle don't get sung as much I guess. 
The other day in the car, I was listening to the reworked version but cannot for the life of me remember who it was.  Anyway, the 4th verse stood out to me.  Honestly, it was like I had never heard it before. 
     "The Lord has promised good to me".  Really?  I mean, I know that I guess.  I have heard it, read it but have not been comforted by it in a long time. 
     "His word my hope secures".  Without hope, I cannot get through this life.  Because this earth is so full of hopelessness and despair.  But through His word, there is hope.  What an amazing thing that is.
     "He will my shield and portion be" - Boy do I feel often that I just want to curl up in His arms and have Him protect me and fill me.
     "As long as life endures" - Wow.  His love, his peace, His presence are neverending in our lives.  Yes, I walk away from Him, I forget to talk to Him, to read His letters to me, to meditate on Him.  But does He do that to us?  No.  He is there always, always ready to fill our cup, to be what we need.  Forever.  As long as we are on this hard difficult earth.  He will be there. 
I think this is my new favorite verse.

TV

I have such a love/hate relationship with that box.  I let my kids watch way too much tv.  Especially when they are cranky or I am cranky.  But getting ready for school has become a challenge because of it.  My oldest when he was younger would get up at 5 am every morning.  And my middle girl went through a spell where she insisted on getting up at 4:30 and there was nothing I could do to convince her otherwise.  So what did I do? I put the tv on for them because I cannot really function that early in the morning.  But now, they are sleeping until 6 or 6:30 (believe me that is a huge blessing for me).  So I was still letting them watch tv but making them turn it off at 7:30.  That's when the whining began and the yelling and the threatening.  Until I had an epiphany.  Don't let them watch tv until they are absolutely ready for school.  Why did it take me so long to come to this conclusion??  I have no idea but the last 2 mornings have been bliss.  I tell you it is such a relief to not have that box on first thing in the morning.  The best part is that they have been okay with it.  My daughter asked me this morning if she could watch cartoons and I when I told her not until she is ready, she did not even complain.  Now the kids are ready for school, there has been no yelling, no whining and I am a happy camper.
I hope it lasts...