Words

A few weeks ago, the ladies from my church got together and the pastor's wife did a short little Bible study. It was amazing really. I wish it had been recorded so I could listen to it again. It was just exactly what I needed to hear. The topic was on the words that we speak and how they can affect other people and us in ways we just don't even know.
Proverbs 25:11 "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver".
I am a shy person. In new settings or around people I am just meeting, I am pretty guarded with my words. I think that is actually a good thing. We have all known people who just say whatever comes to their head and sometimes that is okay and sometimes it is not. Words can be so hurtful and sometimes we don't even realize what we are saying or how we are saying something can hit a wrong note.
Matthew 12: 36-37 "But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give acocunt of it in the day of judgement. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." That is Jesus speaking.
However, when I am alone or with my kids/husband, or people I am more comfortable with, I am not so careful with my words. I know I have said things in the past that as soon as they have come out of my mouth, I regret them. I know instantly it was a hurtful thing to say and even if I didn't mean it to come out that way, those words are out there. Hard to take back. I am especially brutal with my kids. There is much less of a filter with them. That was what another mom was saying in the group, that our kids get the brunt of things. You know when you are in a hurry or they are not listening and you are frazzled...man it is so easy to just yell or say something that is not right. I guess I haven't focused to much on it (much to my shame) b/c my kids are little and honestly, they won't remember those harsh words. But, they are coming to an age where they will remember. They will remember having a crazed mommy who actually made them cry b/c of her words (hanging head much farther in shame).
So here is my prayer:
Psalm 19:14 "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer."
Since this study, I have really been trying to not raise my voice to my kids but to approach them calmly and more lovingly. From my previous post, you can see where my desire is anyway. I think that is where the meditation part comes in. If I meditate on God, read His words, pray without ceasing, focus on Him, then hopefully the words that do come out of my mouth will be Him spilling out of me and not my sinful nature showing itself. This will help me be that kind of mom that I so desperately want to be, the wife I want to be and the friend I want to be. This world is so harsh already. I don't need to add to it.

Women of Faith

My parents were not believers when I was very little. My mom became a Christian when I was 8 and then my dad left. And that sort of defines her walk with God. Someone who takes things away. I became a Christian after my dad left. Even though we were in a really good church, a through the Bible church and I went to private Christian schools, I look at that time in my life as missing seeing strong Christian women. There probably were some that I just didn't really see or appreciate or maybe didn't realize I needed that sort of mentor ...until now.
Now, we belong to an amazing fellowship of believers. There are these women who exude God. It's like it is coming out of their pores. Don't get me wrong, I am not putting them up on a pedestal necessarily but I am coveting a relationship with Jesus that I see in these women. Women who read the Bible, memorize it, study it, seek God daily. Women who love their children and who are Godly mothers.
I want to be that kind of mom. I don't want my kids looking at me and seeing my struggles. Not that I want to hide them from them exactly, I just don't want my struggles to be their struggles. I want them to see that when I am having a hard time with something, I seek God. I want them to know that I pray for them daily, that I trust them in God's hands, that He loves them as much as I love them. I want them to feel secure in my love, in God's love, in life.
Unfortunately, as a person, I am a sinner, imperfect and unworthy and sometimes my kids get the full brunt of that. I am so greatful, to see that it is possible. It is possible to be a Godly mother, to raise kids that love God and stay in love with God as they grow older and not stray. That is truly one of my biggest fears, that I will not give my children the strong foundation they need to not stray from God. But now I have hope and pray that I can become one of these women and that there will be a time when I am so full of Christ, He will flow out of me in everything that I do.